


Fix You

by FormidableChronicler



Series: Bad Ass Ladies of Marvel [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: And Loves Cap, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Maria Hill, BAMF Steve Rogers, F/M, Hurt Steve Rogers, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Lots of Angst, Maria Hill & Pepper Potts Friendship, Maria Hill Feels, Maria Hill is Grumpy, Mind Control, Pining, Secret love, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Torture, but who doesn't, captainhill, dammit hydra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-02 04:56:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 41,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15789399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FormidableChronicler/pseuds/FormidableChronicler
Summary: Maria Hill has agents to train, a house to pack, and a world to save, and absolutely does not have time for the latest mission assigned to her by Nick Fury.She's busy. She doesn't have time.It has nothing to do with the fact that the mission is practically a baby-sitting job she has no interest in.Or that the person she's charged with watching is a wanted fugitive.Or that he's being hunted by Hydra.Or that he's the man she's been half-in love with for years.She's so screwed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you've read any of my other stories, you might have noticed I am a pretty big Tony Stark fan (I've loved RDJ for YEARS, it's pathetic, honestly) but I've also always had a pretty big soft spot for Steve. An author I follow on Twitter brought to my attention the potential of Maria Hill and Steve Rogers, and well. I can't NOT ship them now.  
> (Even though Peggy Carter is The Best and deserves to not be dead with Steve kissing her niece, dammit).
> 
> SO. This story pretty much popped out of nowhere, and heavily stars my girl, Maria Hill because I love her and want her to be in the MCU more. And Cap totally gave her his jacket in AoU, which is all sorts of adorable. 
> 
> This is second in my Bad Ass Ladies of Marvel series, although you don't need to read the first one to understand what's going on here. (But I will shamelessly recommend because it stars the first Bad Ass Lady of the MCU, Ms. Pepper Potts. And explains a bit about her friendship with Maria).
> 
> This takes place between Civil War and Infinity War, and heavily features Cap's new look. Because Good Lord, Mr. Evans. I Highly Approve.
> 
> Comments are welcome and make the author's day! :)

"Rogers is missing."

Maria Hill didn't glance up from the box she was packing. "He's wanted by most of the world's intelligence agencies, sir. I'd be concerned if his location was common knowledge."

"Smartass," Fury said. She could feel his glare staring out at her from the tablet she was having the video call on, which was why she kept her attention on packing. Fury's glares were issued at least twenty times a day. She wasn't missing out on much.

"I meant, he's missing from _our_ trackers, Hill," Fury continued. Maria regarded her stemware and debated whether they were worth packing or not. "He slipped past the last agent I had watching him and not even Romanoff knows where he is."

"Bad day to be that junior agent," Maria commented, still debating the stemware. It was smarter to leave them. Less to carry, and she could always get new glasses.

"Said junior agent is very much regretting his lack of vigilance regarding Rogers's whereabouts," Fury agreed. "Hill, put the damn box down, we both know you won't even use those kitchen appliances. You might as well just leave them there for Stark."

Her nostrils flared. "He's stealing my favorite hide-out. He's not getting my toaster."

"Wouldn't be losing your favorite hide-out if you hadn't brought Pepper there in the first place."

She snarled because it was true, but at the time the ranch had been the only spot she'd thought she could stick Pepper to keep her safe. 

But the bad guys had come barreling in anyway and now it was worthless as a place to lie low in.

The universe was cruel. She loved the ranch house.

And now it was being bought by Pepper and Stark.

Typical.

"That's the last time I'm helping out a friend," she vowed darkly.

"Yes, I'm sure you'll leave Potts to handle the sadistic stalkers on her own next time," Fury snorted.

Maria bristled, because dammit, he was right again, and that was getting annoying. "Is there a particular reason you called, sir?"

"Rogers, Hill, were you even listening? Rogers is missing."

She turned to face the tablet, beginning to get a bad feeling. She knew what that tone meant. "Sir, I've got three days to get this house packed."

"You have three hours."

Shit. She knew it. "Sir--"

"I need someone I can trust to hunt down Rogers." His look was pointed this time, and she knew it was because he only actually trusted about three people in the world. It was her bad luck that one was considered dead and the other was on the run as a wanted fugitive.

"I'm sure Steve is more than capable of handling himself, sir."

"There's been five attempts by Hydra to ferret him out since he went rogue." Fury stated, and her eyebrows rose. She'd only known of three. "I think we can all agree that if they get their hands on him the end result will not be pleasant for anybody."

80 years later and Hydra was still trying to create super soldiers. She pressed a hand to her eyes.

"Where was he last seen?"

Fury didn't hide the smirk. "London." 

Her sigh was long and pained. "I hate London, sir."

"I'm aware of that. Just as I'm aware you are the only one I think Rogers will make contact with. I need to know if he's secure or if he's been compromised. I'm expecting a report in 24 hours. Can I count on you?"

No, dammit. She wanted to pack her house and sulk. "Of course you can, sir."

"Glad to hear it. I'll speak to you soon."

 

 

True to Fury's word, the Quinjet got there in three hours. Maria waved at the agent that was flying, and threw her luggage in the back.

Settling in to her seat, Maria pulled out her phone while the agent lifted the jet into the air.

"Hi, Maria," Pepper said, answering the phone. "How's packing going?"

"It's not," Maria said flatly. "Something came up. Sorry, Pepper, I won't be done by Thursday."

"That's all right, we aren't in any hurry," Pepper replied. Maria heard Stark yelling something in the background. "No, Tony, I will not tell her that, Maria can take as long as she needs," Pepper said firmly.

Maria grinned. Pepper was her favorite for a reason.

"Hopefully I'll be back by Sunday. Don't forget to keep training while I'm gone. We have that half marathon coming up soon."

"Right. Yes, of course I will."

Maria waited a beat. "I know when you're lying, Potts."

Pepper sighed. "I'll train."

"I'll know if you don't," Maria stated, earning a huff out of the CEO.

"I will, Maria, I promise," Pepper grumbled. "Have a good trip."

"Yeah," Maria said, frowning as a message from Fury beeped through. "I'll try."

 

 

 

After the agent dropped her off, Maria got a taxi and went to her hotel, in a cute little neighborhood near Hyde Park. After checking in and dropping off her luggage, Maria walked down the block to the tube, and hopped on the Central line. She switched trains, got on the Baker line, and then left the Underground to mosey around in the neighborhood Rogers had last been spotted in.

There weren't as many tourists in this area, so Maria didn't have to share the sidewalk with many others. Keeping her head up and eyes alert would be wise. Her cover was a good one, but Hydra was in the area, which meant she couldn't afford to be careless.

Twilight descended, and her stomach growled; the lunch she ate before Fury's call seemed hours ago. If Rogers didn't pop up after she'd snooped for a little bit, she'd find some food before resuming her search. 

Although really, she should just start looking for Rogers in restaurants. Thanks to the serum, the man was constantly eating. 

And, shit. She'd managed to go five consecutive hours without actually _thinking_ about Steve Rogers, but he'd finally sneaked into her thoughts. 

Squaring her shoulders, Maria pushed him firmly back into the little Do Not Think About Box in the corner of her mind where he belonged.

Nothing would be gained by letting him pop into her thoughts. She was there to make sure he was alive and that he wasn't going to be nabbed by Hydra. That was all.

She didn't need to reminisce about how often Steve had to eat, and the way he would smile when she teased him about it, or the way his leather jacket had smelled like him when he'd draped it over her shoulders once, a long, long time ago.

Dammit.

 _Not gonna think about it,_ she ordered herself, and turned the corner.

The alley she stood in was where the junior agent last reported seeing Rogers. Her gaze scanned the area over. It seemed like any other alley in the world; dark, slightly smelly, a little intimidating. What the hell had Rogers been doing here?

Meeting someone? Hiding? Hunting down nearby Hydra agents?

Or just using it as a way to outwit a moronic agent of Shield he'd clearly spotted?

Regardless, the alley didn't tell her much, so she walked to the other end and decided to get some food.

There were numerous pubs nearby, but she wasn't in the mood for fish and chips.

Pulling up her phone, she scrolled around for other options in the area, when the hair on the back of her neck rose.

Someone stood across the street watching her.

He wasn't tall enough to be Rogers. And she knew her cover couldn't have been blown yet, she'd just arrived here. Pretending like she'd received a phone call, Maria put her phone to her ear and a bubbly tone to her voice.

"Amanda? Oh my gosh, I was just going to call you! I think I'm lost...I mean, I SHOULD have used Google maps, but like, I _thought_ I knew where we were going? Ohmigod, I know, right? So embarrassing. So, what's the name of the place called?"

She paused, watching the person walk off. Turning on her heel, Maria went the opposite direction.

Then she dropped the act, turned around, and doubled back.

The man hadn't gone far. Keeping to the shadows that now covered the sidewalks, Maria followed after him. Clearly someone had been ordered to watch that alley. She was going to find out who.

And why.

Of course he went into an abandoned warehouse. Maria rolled her eyes as she slipped inside after him. What was this, Bad Guys 101? Couldn't they have found a better spot to meet up?

At least this little sector of Hydra would be easy to take out, if it was them.

Around six men and two women formed a small circle in the middle of the badly lit warehouse. Creeping up behind them, Maria knelt behind a broken cabinet and did her best to listen.

"Did you see anything?" One of the women, a blonde, asked.

"Nah. Just an idiot tourist that got lost," the man Maria followed said.

The blonde cursed. "Did anyone have any luck?"

Shuffled feet and downcast gazes were their responses.

"Fuck," she sighed. "We might have missed our window. He must have moved to a new area."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," a voice commented to their left. Maria huffed out a laugh, shaking her head, as Steve Rogers stepped out of the shadows.

The man just loved to make an entrance.

"I just didn't want to make it too easy on you," Steve continued, sending them an apologetic smile. Maria ignored the long, slow, tug that went through her at that smile. She also very much did _not_ take time to appreciate Steve's beard and long hair, or how his new look made her mouth water a bit.

She was one of the world's best spies, she didn't have time to dwell on such details.

But good lord, it was a LOOK on the man.

"So. Now that you know where I am," Steve said, glancing around the group. "What is it that you want?"

To her credit, the blonde didn't gape long. 

"You, Captain,"' she smirked. "You're coming with us."

Maria wished she had popcorn. Did these fools really think they could take out Steve Rogers?

The man she'd followed jerked back and attempted to smash his fist into Steve's jaw.

Apparently, they did.

Steve bypassed the punch easily, and Maria stood, not even bothering to be sneaky anymore. This fight would be over in seconds.

The other woman and a few others gave hearty tries at binding Steve with some kind of special handcuffs. Steve broke them in an instant, then threw one of the men at the blonde attempting to shoot him.

They went down in a tangle of limbs.

A redheaded man struck out at Rogers with an electric prod, managing to hit him in the stomach. Grunting, Steve knocked it away, then slugged Red in the mouth. 

Down Red went.

The rest of them attacked Rogers at the same time, which only gave him a little bit of trouble. While he was in the middle of subduing them, Blondie popped up and tried to shoot Steve in the back.

Maria lifted her Glock and put a bullet through the woman's shoulder.

Steve glanced over at Maria in surprise.

"Wasn't expecting backup on this fight," he commented, catching the rope she threw at him as the blonde howled on the ground. They started tying up the little group.

"Figured I could lend a hand. How's it going, Cap?"

He straightened after tying up the last one, and smiled down at her. "It's been a while, Lieutenant. It's nice to see you."

"Back at you," she agreed. Dammit, dammit, WHY was her heart beating rapidly, that was just embarrassing. Thank God she was able to keep her voice cool.

"This group seems drastically unfit for taking you out," she continued, eying the group on the floor.

"I get that, occasionally. Smaller groups that think they can bring me in, make money off the Accords. Sometimes I mess with them, try to scare them into leaving it alone."

She snorted. He would. Steve was far more mischievous than the world gave him credit for.

"You'd think people would realize you're not that easy to take out by now."

"You'd think," he agreed. He sent her a wry look. "Are YOU here to arrest me?"

"If I wanted to arrest you, Rogers, you'd be unconscious in a Quinjet by now."

"You know, I actually think you'd be one of the few people who could manage to do that." He smiled. "It's good to see you, Lieutenant."

"You too, Cap."

"So, what are you doing here?" He asked as they strolled away from the unconscious crew on the floor. Maria entered in a SOS on her phone so the blonde didn't bleed out. The local law enforcement could deal with them. 

She shrugged. "I was in the area."

"You were, huh?"

The disbelief in his tone should have been insulting, but instead made her lips twitch. "Fury asked me to search for you. He got a little concerned when you slipped the agents tailing you."

"And here I thought I was capable of taking care of myself."

"We're all well aware of that," she said dryly. "But Hydra is drooling to grab you now that you're on your own without backup. Fury was worried."

"I'm sure he was. Tell him not to be concerned, I won't let Hydra use me to make another super soldier serum."

"That's not why--"

"Maria. I know Fury well enough to know it's not _me_ he's technically concerned about."

"You'd be surprised," she muttered. Fury had a soft spot for his Avengers, though technically he had nothing to do with them anymore. And of all of them, he felt a certain responsibility for Steve. Rogers had a way of making you care about him, even if you didn't want to.

Not that that had happened to her.

Nope.

They walked out of the warehouse and into the night.

"Well." Steve put his hands in his pockets. "I guess we should---"

Maria's stomach interrupted him by grumbling loudly.

Oh, for the actual love of God.

She refused to blush. "Apparently I'm hungry," she said as nonchalantly as she could, while Steve gaped incredulously at her. "Wanna get something to eat?"

"When was the last time you ate? A month ago?"

"Funny." She glared at him, folding her arms. "I refuse to be shamed by someone who can eat thirty pancakes in five minutes."

He smiled. "It's more like forty-five."

"Right. Silly me. Regardless, I know your appetite. Wanna get some food?"

His smile turned a little sad. "I'd love to. But I can't exactly eat in public at the moment."

"So, what, you're gonna prowl abandoned warehouses and eat food out of dumpsters?"

"I wouldn't go that far," he said dryly. "But I try not to go to restaurants anymore. It doesn't go well for the establishment if I get recognized."

Because of course he was more worried about the restaurant owners than his own neck. She pressed her lips together. He looked good with the long hair and beard, but now that she looked closely, he was more thin than normal.

"Rogers, when was the last time you had a decent meal?"

"Oh." His face scrunched up while he thought about it. "I don't know, six months ago or so?"

Dammit.

"Come on, Cap. You're coming with me."

"I am, am I?"

"We'll get room service. Then you can fill me in on what you know about the Hydra bastards after you."

"You don't have to do that. And I don't want to risk getting picked up on the hotel cameras."

"Please. I know how to manipulate the cameras, Rogers. No one will know you're there. And you'll get a decent meal out of it."

Still, he hesitated. "I don't know..."

"Consider it payment for saving your ass."

Steve glanced back at the ground behind them. "Pretty sure I was never actually in danger."

"We'll never know for sure, will we?" She asked lightly as her stomach rumbled again. "Come on, let's go before I start resorting to fish and chips for dinner."

"You don't like fish and chips?"

She jabbed a finger his direction. "Don't even start. Let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

She accessed the hotel's camera feed from her phone on the way back and triggered it to go on a loop around the time she and Steve would arrive. A blue ball cap was now on his head, pulled down low, and with his beard he was fairly unrecognizable, so she didn't bother with the train or CC-TV cameras.

When they got to the hotel she gave him her room key and told him she'd be right there.

He blinked, but didn't ask questions and got on the elevator.

Making her way to the bar, she convinced the bartender to give her a six-pack, and ordered nearly everything on the room service menu. 

Then she firmly told herself to stop procrastinating and to get upstairs.

So Steve Rogers was in her hotel room. That was absolutely not a problem. She could completely handle that.

Or so she told herself as she slipped into the room.

Soft snoring greeted her. Quietly setting down the beer she'd nabbed, she tiptoed into the small sitting area.

Steve sat upright, arms crossed over his chest, head tipped back, sound asleep.

Apparently it had been a good six months since he'd had a comfy place to sleep, also. She tiptoed back out, and sat down in the other room, content to let him sleep. 

She absolutely did not find the soft snores endearing.

Opening a beer, Maria did some work on her tablet. She replied back to a rather intriguing message from an old contact, sent an update to Fury, and blasted a group of junior agents being ridiculously inept. When the food arrived, she quietly brought it inside and set it up, then ate a little of the pasta.

She was halfway through when Steve walked in, blearily blinking at her.

"Have a nice nap?" She asked, lifting the domes keeping the food warm. 

"Yes," he said, sheepishly. "Sorry I fell asleep on you."

"Don't worry about it. I figured it's been while since you had a nice place to sleep."

"Luckily, I don't need a lot of sleep," he said as she gestured at him to eat. 

He grabbed the order of fish and chips.

"I'm guessing the last two years haven't been easy on you." She leaned over and grabbed two more beers, then opened them and handed him one.

Steve just watched her with a slightly stunned look on his face. "No, it kinda hasn't been. I don't remember the last time somebody offered me a drink. Thanks, Maria."

The look of gratitude mixed with sadness and loneliness made her shoulder blades itch, so she shrugged it off. 

Didn't need him to start thinking she had a heart, since she'd tried for a long time to successfully squash it.

She leaned back, holding her drink and studied him. "So. Hydra's made a few attempts at you."

"A couple," he said, moving on from the fish and onto a cheeseburger.

"Fury said it was around five."

Steve took a sip of his drink, and hunched his shoulders. "More like fifteen, if I'm honest."

"Fifteen?!? Fifteen?!? Why haven't you reached out, asked for help?"

"I handled it. And my team helped. I wasn't completely alone."

"And where are they now?"

"Busy," he said firmly. "And I'm sorry, but I won't tell you where they are."

"Jesus, Cap, I'm not phishing for their whereabouts, I'm trying to help you."

"I know. But I still won't tell you where they are."

"Fine." She let it go. It's not like Romanoff wouldn't tell her anyway. "What are you going to do about Hydra?"

"Same as always, I suppose. Shut them down and bring them in."

Yes, because it was that easy. She refrained from rolling her eyes. "One is my MI6 contacts mentioned a nightclub nearby that he thinks Hydra is using as a front."

His brow furrowed. "A nightclub?"

"Yeah it's a place where you-"

"I know what a nightclub is," he muttered. "I just didn't think that sounded like something Hydra would do."

"Probably why they're using it as a front. Gotta expect the unexpected, Cap."

"Hmmm." He took a sip of his beer. "So, what's the plan, Lieutenant?"

"I thought I'd prowl around tonight and see if there's any merit in it. Might find out why they're so anxious to grab you."

"They've got about 80 years worth of bitterness brewing, they probably don't need that much incentive," he sighed. "When do we leave?"

"Uh, _I'm_ going to change and leave after I find proper clothing."

"You don't want me to come with you?" He blinked. "Why'd you bring it up, then?"

"I don't know, conversation?" Although really, she hadn't expected him to want to tag along, the man had just told her he didn't even go to restaurants anymore for fear of being recognized. 

He was frowning now, and it made her feel like she'd kicked a puppy. "Don't you want backup?"

"I can take care of myself, Rogers."

"I know that. But I can't just sit here and twiddle my thumbs while you go out there alone. They're hunting _me_. I should help you."

She pressed her lips together. He had a point, though getting him in the club would be a challenge. Long hair and beard aside, he was still one of the most famous men on the planet.

And it wasn't like he was tiny and able to easily blend in.

Although. His height and beard did give her an idea...

"I'll go get supplies and be back," she decided. "Feel free to finish the food. But if you're napping when I get back, Cap, I'm not waiting around for you to wake."

"Deal," he grinned as she walked to the door. His chuckle followed her out the door and into the hall. 

Maria closed her eyes, resisting the urge to go back in the room and hear that laugh again. Not that she found it adorable or anything.

Of course not.

 

 

 

"Is this a joke?" Steve asked an hour later. Maria buckled the heel on her boot and lifted an eyebrow.

"Why would it be a joke?"

"Did you seriously make me out to be...I look---"

"Like a Thor wannabe." Maria grinned. The long blonde wig, combined with Steve's muscles, height, and beard made him perfect. Although she'd never seen Thor in black leather pants and a tight black t-shirt. He was usually already in his armor when Maria was around.

She'd never seen Steve in such clothes, either. He pulled them off. Very, very well.

And she was making a very conscious effort to Not Think About It.

Besides, the point was, he looked nothing like Captain America. No one would glance at him too closely for styling himself after the Asgardian god.

"It's better than a ball cap and nerd glasses," she stated. 

"I don't know, that's worked pretty well for me in the past."

"Pretty sure that was sheer, dumb, luck, Cap."

"And a blonde wig is better?"

"Much." She casually leaned back, reaching for her phone. She had to take a picture. 

A warm hand covered hers. "Don't you dare," Steve warned, laughing. "I'll never live it down."

"Oh, come on, Cap, you've gotta at least let me show Romanoff."

"I don't think so, Lieutenant." He reached around, trying to snatch the phone away. It only put them close together, and Maria's system went on high alert as his body slid up against hers. He was still softly laughing, his breath mingling on her shoulder, and a goddamn shiver rushed through her as he wrapped one arm around her to get the phone and his other hand went to her hip to keep her from trying to nab it back.

This was Against The Rules, and a part of her mind screamed _Bad Idea!_ , but she ignored that part of her brain because he smelled REALLY good for a guy on the run. And he was warm, the kind of warmth you just wanted to snuggle into and sigh softly, and let the rest of the world disappear. 

So for one moment, she let herself lean into him.

He surrounded her, his broad frame engulfing her as he reached for the phone.

The edges of his beard tickled her cheek, making goosebumps and another shiver run through her. Hopefully he didn't notice. Though he was firmly keeping her from going after the phone, the hand on her hip was gentle, his hands so wide that his thumb and the top of his palm rested above her actual hip. Why that was so intoxicating, what the hell was wrong with her? 

Steve picked her phone up, held it out of her reach.

"I'm keeping this until the end of the night," he said firmly. He was still pressed close against her, wrapped around her. She drew in a long breath.

"Just as well, I'm not bringing a purse and don't have anywhere to put it anyway," she managed. Which was true. Maria wore her own leather pants and a bright red crop top. They didn't leave much room for carrying things.

Though she had knives and a small gun slipped into special holsters in her boots. She had priorities, after all.

She felt Steve freeze at her comment, and take a shaky inhale. He was so close. So, so close. What would it be like, to drop her shields and get lost in him, softly taking him into her the way she'd always dreamed? It was so tempting to turn around and wrap her arms around him, to breathe him in and shut her eyes and tip her head to his. 

Forgetting herself, she turned her head, her face nearly nuzzling his. Steve dropped his gaze to her lips, licking his own, and she froze, because for a moment she thought he felt it too, and that he would make a move. That he would fuse his mouth to hers.

His lips parted, soft and pink and so goddamn close. Her knees actually wobbled a little at the suspense, the room filled with tension.

Then, damn it all, he stepped away.

"Right." He took a deep breath, then cleared his throat. She would have been insulted, but as she turned she noticed that his pupils were wide, his eyes were dark. And his voice was low and husky.

Interesting.

Another shiver rolled through her, but this time, Maria found she didn't mind.

"That outfit would be hard to hide a phone in. I guess I'll be your purse for the night," he joked. She lifted an eyebrow, amused, as his face blushed and he rubbed the back of his neck.

"What's the matter, Cap? Is my outfit too risqué?"

"No." He smiled. The hunger was still in his eyes, but there was also a fondness mixing in with it. "You look great, Lieutenant. I'm sure you'll fit right in."

"That's the plan," she said lightly. There was a wistfulness curling around her heart along with the disappointment that she brutally cut off. Pining over Steve would get her nothing but heartache, and she didn't have time for that. She had Hydra to take down and a house to pack.

But as they quietly left the hotel she thought back to his smile and the feel of his arms wrapped around her, and sighed a little despite herself.

 

 

 

Maria sat in the back of the car she'd called and resisted the urge to bang her head on the window. Steve was next to her, casually glancing out his window. She could see the peaceful look on his face out of the corner of her eye, and watched the street lights flash across his features, illuminating him in a cozy sort of light. And though it made her happy to see him relax after what had undoubtedly been a stressful few years for him, now that the lust-filled haze had been lifted, it also made her want to smack herself upside the head.

She was so goddamn hopelessly in love with him. 

STILL.

It was infuriating.

She hadn't seen Steve in four years. _Four_ years. A lot could change in four years. Presidents. Hairstyles. Careers. She'd thought that since she hadn't seen Steve, things would change, that there would be no way she'd still be crazy about him. People changed a lot in four years, and the cynical side of her knew it often wasn't for the better. She'd told herself, firmly, that the Steve she knew was gone.

And that was for the best. It wasn't like anything could occur between them. Relationships were a thing Maria had long since banished from her life. She could never have a regular life, with all her work as a spy. She'd chosen that, she'd accepted that, and she never made a move on Rogers because of it.

And in the end, it didn't seem to fucking matter. Because while he obviously changed a little, it wasn't that much. Steve still smiled softly, still had far more sarcasm than anyone ever gave him credit for, and still cared far more about people than he ever, ever should.

And she was still _ridiculously_ in love with him.

Shit. 

As if sensing her annoyance, Steve shifted, and raised an eyebrow at her. "Everything okay?"

"Of course, Cap." At least she still had it in her to lie smoothly. That was something.

He grimaced, and looked away. "I'm not exactly Captain America anymore, Maria."

She blinked. "What do you mean? Of course you are."

"Kinda hard to be the example of American values when you're hated by the world's protection agencies," he sighed. 

"You're not hated, Rogers."

The smile he gave was strained and sad. "Tell that to Tony."

Dangerous ground. Whatever had happened to make Stark and Rogers fall out had been big, big enough for Pepper to refuse to tell Maria, big enough for Fury to order her to leave it alone.

Maria had nothing but respect for Stark, and nothing but admiration and fondness for Pepper.

But if there was one person she absolutely believed in, it was Steven Rogers.

"You did what you thought was right," she said softly, "in a situation that was shitty for everyone. That doesn't make you a bad person. That just makes you someone who knows his own mind."

"Maybe." He sighed. "But I wish things hadn't gone down the way they did."

"Would you have done things differently?"

"Some things," he said quietly. "Some things I would have done differently."

It wasn't her place to ask. She'd leaned that already with Pepper. So instead she told him the truth. "That just makes you human. You'll make it right."

"Yeah? How do you know that?" He shifted, making the lights fade from his face, covering him in darkness.

But she knew who he really was. He didn't belong in the shadows.

"It's who you are." She said, and placed her hand in his. "It's what you always do. You make things right. You're Captain America, and not because of the serum, or because you were the leader of the Avengers, or because Hydra agents can't hear your name without wetting themselves. It's who are are," she insisted when he softly laughed. "No one can ever take that from you."

He was still hidden in the shadows, still cloaked in darkness, but she saw him staring at her with those blue eyes that she always seemed to lose herself in.

"I---I don't know what to say. Thank you, Maria."

"Don't thank me yet," she warned, as the car slowed to a stop. "The night is young, and we're probably about to walk into a Hydra base."

He looked away, and back out the window. "Then I guess I better make sure I'm at the top of my game."

"Don't worry, Cap," Maria said, opening her door. "I'm always at the top of mine."


	3. Chapter 3

The music from the club could be heard the moment they opened the car doors. It pulsed out from the open windows and into the night, making her head pound while they waited in line. She'd debated trying to charm her way through the line by flirting with the bouncer, but Steve was already getting his fair share of looks and she didn't want to draw anymore attention to him.

When a few wandering eyes lingered on him too long Maria took a step closer, and rested her hand on his arm. For God's sake, he wasn't a piece of meat. Steve lifted his eyebrows at her gesture, but didn't comment.

That was probably a good thing. No need to embarrass herself.

Half an hour later they were inside, and the flashing lights and increased noise levels assaulted her senses. Nothing like a night club to make you feel old and grumpy, but honestly, did it have to be so loud? Steve was probably miserable with his heightened senses. Annoyed, Maria stalked to the bar and ordered a drink. Handing Steve a beer, she let her gaze roam around the club, trying to see if anything seemed out of place.

All she saw was strobe lights and people dancing sinfully close together. One couple on the edge of the dance floor seemed only a few moves away from getting totally naked in front of everyone. 

Maria snorted, and continued surveying the room.

"Shit!" She shoved Steve back, into the shadows.

"What? What is it?" Steve asked, on high alert.

"My contact from MI6. Don't look his way!" She hissed when Steve tried to get a look. "Jesus, Rogers, if he sees you we'll have a huge mess on our hands. I'm gonna go try and see what he knows, then get rid of him. Stay here."

"All right." His jaw was clenched and he looked like he wanted to argue, but he stayed in the corner and didn't protest when she stalked off to the little table the agent sat at.

"Charles," she purred, reaching out to kiss his cheek. "What are you doing here?"

He was a tall man with brown hair, but Maria was nearly the same height. It always annoyed him, so she was thankful she wore the boots with heels. Charles was good at his job, but he was also a pain in her ass. Mostly because he was too smart, and well aware of when she tried to pull one over on him. Like now.

Honestly, nothing good ever came out of her time in London.

"I can't let you have all the fun," he leaned back and studied her. "Besides, I figured it was the only way I'd get to see you. You never call anymore, Maria."

"Worlds to save, people to see. You know how it goes."

"I do. Which is why I'm glad you called. I've got a feeling about this place."

"Yeah?" She pursed her lips. "I'm not getting anything out of it."

"There's a maze of offices downstairs. That lead to tunnels and a secret passageway."

Well, those were always fun. "Guess I better go check it out, then."

" _We_ will go check it out," he corrected, guiding her away from the bar with his hand at the small of her back. Hmm. Getting rid of him would be more difficult if she let him go to the tunnels with her, but she might learn more if he showed her what he knew.

She let him lead her away, briefly looking back to Steve. The captain stood with his arms crossed in the shadows, trying not to garner attention.

Trusting him to find her, Maria left the crowded dance floor and followed Charles through a door in the corner.

 

 

It took her five seconds to realize it was a trap.

If Charles hadn't wanted to tip her off, he should have let her lead. What, were British intelligence agents amateurs all of a sudden? As soon as she stood close behind him, she instantly noticed the sweat dripping down his neck and the way his fingers tensed, and then forcibly relaxed. His body language practically screamed that he was anticipating a fight.

She vaguely wondered if he had been Hydra the whole time she knew him, or if he'd been more recently turned.

Charles glanced back at Maria while they walked, and gave her a strained smile

More recently recruited by Hydra, then. Definitely. His poker face was shit, she would have picked up on that before.

They descended a staircase that twisted and turned far below her, and she wondered how deep down the stairs went. How many waited for them below?

"Before we get too far into this," she commented. "Would you rather go back up and get a drink?"

He whirled around, eyes wide for a moment before laughing nervously.

"Get into what? Are you afraid of what's down here?"

Maria stopped walking. "I know what's going to be down there. You really shouldn't have joined Hydra, Charles."

His face went white. "I don't know what-"

"Yes, you do."

"I made the smart decision," he hissed, reaching out to grab her arm.

Like she would just let him take her. Who did he think she was? Smashing her fist into his face felt good. "Whatever you've got waiting down there isn't going to go the way you think," she said calmly. 

Because he spat at her, (and ugh, EW,) she punched him again.

"How many men did you tell them it would take to trap me, Charles?" She asked casually. "Whatever it was, you should have doubled it."

"They'll still take you, Maria. Hydra has such plans for you. I'll have more money than Stark before the night is over."

She looked at him with pity. "Charles, you're an idiot."

Before he could respond, a door above them opened.

_Shit._

Charles stiffened, looking from Maria to the man who stood in the doorway behind them.

Oh, God. Maybe he wouldn't recognize him, maybe her disguise would pay off...but there was just no hiding that stance. The folded arms, the narrowed eyes. Even in the dimly lit stairwell it was obvious who he was.

Dammit, did he have to choose _now_ to use the Righteous Man with a Plan pose? The elation that crossed Charles's face terrified her.

Charles took a deep breath. "HE'S HERE-"

Maria shot him in the throat before he could utter another word.

Then she whirled and _flew_ , charging up the steps, and barreling into Steve, grabbing his arm.

"RUN," she breathed, for she could hear the shouts and footsteps pounding up the steps behind them. She was a fool, she was a goddamn _fool_ for bringing Steve with her.

Because whatever plans they had for her, whatever reason Charles had been told they needed her for, it was _nothing_ compared to how much Hydra wanted Steve. 

And Maria had practically handed him over.

There would have been at least ten Hydra agents waiting for her, and who knew how many worked in the club above. But at the hint that Steve was there, that he was finally within their reach?

It would be swarming with every Hydra agent in the city in minutes.

She was an _idiot_.

But she was fast. They were out of the stairwell and through the massive group of dancers in moments. A group of men blocked the exit as they charged toward it, and Steve didn't even hesitate. Reaching out, he yanked the gun out of the first man's hands and clocked the other guy with it. Then his elbow was up, punching back and smashing into the first thug's face.

They both slumped to the ground.

Racing as fast as her legs could take her, she dashed down the street after Steve, thanking God she was a runner. Steve barely needed to slow for her, and she stayed on his heels, running for her life.

Or rather, his life. Jesus, she had fucked up so badly.

Steve chose streets to dash down at random, and she kept up, despite the cramp making its way into her side. But after a few more turns, she knew they needed to get off the streets, and she grabbed his arm.

"Do you know how to hotwire a car?"

He nodded tersely. 

"Pick a car and do it quick. I'll cover you."

Shielding him the best she could, she held the gun tightly in her hands, watching their surroundings.

Glass shattered, and Steve got to work. Only moments later, the car started.

"We're in," Steve said. 

She got in, slamming the door, and twisting around to make sure no one was coming after them.

"You going to tell me what's going on?" Steve asked, peeling away from the curb.

_I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up...._

"Turns out Charles was recently recruited by Hydra. They had a little trap waiting downstairs. But when you showed up, Charles decided to announce to them all that the man they'd been hunting for for months was practically gift wrapped for them."

"You shot him."

"Yes." She just wished she'd been faster.

"You didn't think there was another way to handle it?"

"No,"'she said flatly. "Don't judge me for it, Rogers."

"I wasn't judging. It just surprised me."

"Someone has to make the hard decisions,"' she muttered. She always excelled at it. Until Captain America asked her if he could tag along after her on a mission.

Fuck.

"I'm sorry, Steve."

His eyebrows shot up. She wasn't sure if it was because the apology surprised him or the fact that she actually used his first name. "Why?"

"I stupidly put you in danger. I should have known better."

"Not the first time I've been in a close call," he said, making her laugh. "It'll be okay, Maria. We just have to get through this next step."

"What?"

"We're being followed."

"Oh." She took a shaky breath. Okay. She could handle this, she just needed to convince Steve to let her drive...

He didn't give her the chance.

"Buckle up," he said, and jerked the car to the right.


	4. Chapter 4

All things considered, it was a good thing she put on her seatbelt.

The tiny car Steve nabbbed zipped through traffic, barely avoiding colliding with a tourist bus. Maria's eyes nearly popped out of her head, but Steve calmly kept his hands on the wheel and steered the car into a narrow one way street.

Even at the late hour, pedestrians were everywhere, and Steve pressed on the horn to get them out of the way.

Most people got the hint, but the ones who didn't Steve managed to keep from running over. 

"We need to get out of the city," Maria said as they shot back out onto a main road. Traffic was stalled and Maria cursed, as the SUV following them flew at them, not slowing down.

Steve hissed and floored it, sending the little car onto the sidewalk.

"Oh, god," she uttered, but Steve once again managed not to run anybody over.

"Look out!" She yelled when another car pulled out in front of them.

Grunting, Steve yanked the wheel, hard, and the little car rose onto two of its tires. Maria grabbed the Oh Shit handle, and prayed. 

The car popped back down onto all four tires again and she heaved a sigh of relief. They weren't dead yet, that was good, that was great.

Until the car behind them rammed into them, hard enough to crack and break the back windshield.

"Shit," Steve uttered, and she just couldn't help herself.

"Language, Cap."

"I am _never_ going to live that down, am I?"

"Nope," she said cheerfully, and turned around in her seat.

"Maria, what are you doing, you should get your seatbelt back on."

"Keep your eyes on the road, I got this."

The tiny backseat was barely big enough for Maria to fit in, but she managed. Lifting her gun, she aimed it at the car behind them and fired.

Her shot hit their front window, creating a little hole in it and hitting the driver in the shoulder. Smiling, Maria shifted as the car chasing them swerved, aiming for the tires.

The second shot she fired hit the front driver's side wheel as the car careened, and then crashed into a limo.

"Ha," Maria muttered. "Take that."

"Did you get them?" Steve called back.

"Yeah, we should be good for a while. Head out of the city, Cap, there's a safe house in the Cotswolds we can hide out at---shit!"

Two more black SUVs pulled out behind them, and three police cars were right behind them. They zoomed up behind the little vehicle, quickly overtaking them.

"Fucking LONDON," Maria snarled, trying to shoot them, as one of the SUVs tried cutting Steve off.

He twisted the wheel, yanking up the emergency brake, and somehow the little car slid _sideways_ and into a narrow side street that the SUVs had no hope of following.

"How the hell---!?" Maria started, but the car turned sharply again and she had to grip the back of Steve's headrest to keep from flying out of the car.

"Maria. Could you take care of that, please?"

She pulled herself up and looked out the window.

One of the police cruisers had zipped in behind them, and the passenger was attempting to take out their back tires.

"On it!" She aimed, and successfully hit the front passenger tire.

"Yes!" She whooped, as the cruiser crashed. Turning around, she leaned her head between the front seats, grinning. "Okay, Cap, they're gone, so you'll need to take the closest exit to the--"

She cut off as a large truck pulled out in front of them.

_Oh God_ , was all she could think as Steve slammed on the brakes. The tiny little car didn't stand a chance against a truck that size, and Maria knew she was about to die; she would fly right out the front windshield as soon as they collided.

An arm was put in front of her, seconds before the impact, and then a warm body was between Maria and the truck as the little car struck.

It was a miracle that Steve had managed to slow the car down as much as he had, but the force of the crash was still harsh enough that Maria felt the jolt and impact rattle through her very bones. Her teeth smacked together, hard enough that one damn near rattled out, and her head collided with Steve's chin so hard that she saw spots. Sound dimmed; she knew metal was crunching and glass was shattering but she heard nothing but the sound of the crash reverberating through her brain and a grunt of pain.

Woozy, disoriented, and more than a little nauseous, Maria stayed where she was for a few moments, trying to tell if the crash was over and she was alive or if the universe was playing tricks on her.

But then she heard another hiss of pain, and she managed somehow to lift her head.

"Cap? You okay?"

"Will be in a minute," he grunted, wincing.

The dashboard of the car was completely engulfing him. He had somehow wedged himself between Maria and the front of the car, wrapping her in his arms enough so that she wasn't nearly as injured as she should have been.

When they got him out of the car there would be a Steve-sized imprint permanently in the dash.

"Jesus, Rogers..."

"I'll be fine," he breathed in sharply, wincing again. "But do you think you can take them?"

As soon as he asked it, she saw the shadows approaching the car. Whoever had been in the truck survived.

Well, that was just fine. She had her gun, and a good pair of knives.

And they had pissed her off.

"I've got it," she promised Steve, and leapt out of the car.

 

 

 

Okay, she probably should have moved more slowly. Every muscle and bone in her body was still singing with pain, and the world whirled more than once thanks to the lovely headache she had going on.

The two men approaching the crushed car blinked at her sudden appearance, then laughed. As if she wasn't worth the fight.

But she was not about to let the Hydra bastards get Steve.

And she wasn't Fury's second-in-command for nothing.

Maria flew at them. Her knife was buried in the first guy's neck before he knew she moved. Gagging, the man dropped to his knees and she ruthlessly yanked the knife out, then slashed at the other guy.

He was more prepared. His arm was flung up and out, smacking harshly into Maria's forearm before she could sink her knife into him. The jar from their arms smashing together made her drop the knife, as her body was still reeling from the crash. Cursing, she spun low to retrieve it and got a knee in the chest for her efforts.

The force of it sent her sprawling to the ground, knocking the air out of her. For a second she stared at the sky, wheezing.

A blur stomping toward her face had her rolling away just in time to avoid getting kicked in the head.

Popping up to her feet, she leapt at the man, taking him down in a tangle of limbs.

He twisted, trying to get his arms around her neck, but she'd be damned if she allowed that to happen. Rolling on top of him, she punched him in the throat, then smashed her fist into his nose.

As the man's nose broke, blood spurted everywhere. Ignoring it, Maria grabbed his head and slammed it as hard as she could into the pavement.

He didn't get back up.

"Take that, asshole." Staggering to her feet, she smirked. She'd told Charles she was harder to take out than that, he should have...

Her thoughts trailed off as the roar of motorcycles exploded her way. Five of them skirted around the destroyed truck and car, and three men and two women swung off them.

"Oh, hell." Goddamn LONDON. Nothing ever went right when she was in this city.

But that was fine, she could do this all day. 

Even if the shadows blurring at the edges of her vision was probably a bad sign.

Lifting her hands, she stood in a boxing stance, glaring the Hydra bastards down.

Steve exploded out of the car.

The closest man was down before anyone could acknowledge the super solider. Steve whirled, picking a brunet up by the neck and throwing him into the nearby wall.

Maria let out a snort, and sank to the ground.

"Ha! Cap is gonna kick yer ass," She muttered. 

Her eyes managed to stay open a little longer, watching Steve easily duck the electrical bolts fired at him. He was almost a blur, whirling so fast and striking out that the Hydra goons had no chance.

He made quite the picture, in his dark shirt and leather pants. The beard, combined with the dark glint in his eyes, just topped it off. Here was the first Avenger, out for blood.

He was mesmerizing.

Then her eyes rolled back and all she saw was darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

The arms carrying her were gentle.

That would have been the _only_ reason why her brain assumed it was okay to sigh and cuddle in. She was injured, someone was being considerate, and her battered body thought that equaled snuggles. 

Never mind that Maria Hill Did Not Cuddle.

Or that she didn't let anyone carry her around bridal style. She was far too tall for it, and she'd worked too damn hard to be placed in positions that made her seem weak.

But the arms carrying her were gentle. There was a hint of a familiar voice murmuring to her, breathing her name, while a comforting, all encompassing scent surrounded her. That voice meant safe, that scent meant home.

She let go, snuggled into the warmth and let herself dream.

 

 

There was a vague understanding of being picked up again, moved to a different car. This time Maria groaned; her body was on fire, what the hell had she done, gone a round with the Hulk? She somehow understood Steve when he asked her where they needed to go, managed to bark into her phone to provide him the location of the safe house in the Cotswolds. They switched cars three more times, Maria fading in and out each time, until she was finally able to keep her eyes open for more than three minutes.

"Hi," Steve said softly, taking his eyes off the road long enough to study her. "How are you doing?"

"Unnnngh," she groaned. "Like I got in a fight with Thor and he punched me in the face with Molinjr."

"Yeah, that's about what I thought. I'm so sorry about the car crash, Maria. I couldn't avoid it."

It took her brain a long moment to process his sentence. "What? You have nothing to apologize for, if it wasn't for you I would be roadkill."

His jaw clenched. "I should have protected you better."

"Yeah, well, I shouldn't have dragged you into a Hydra base. And please don't say things like you should have protected me better, Cap. You saved my life. Thank you."

He angled his gaze her way again briefly. "You're welcome. Scared the hell out of me, I thought you were going to go flying out of the car."

"Me too," she admitted. "Really glad I didn't. Thank you."

"Well, I figured I owed you. Since you saved my life in that warehouse earlier tonight and all," he said. 

She saw his smirk in the dark and laughed. "Yeah, we're definitely even now."

Groaning again, she rested her head on the windshield and willed the world to stop spinning.

"We're almost to your safe house," Steve said.

"Yay."

"Are there decent medical supplies there? You need to be looked at."

"Should be some," she stated. "I'll be fine, once the tweeting birds stop flapping in circles around my head."

He chuckled. Then he sighed. "It worried me when you didn't wake up. I couldn't do anything about it, there were too many Hydra agents after us."

"Aww, Cap. Didn't know you cared."

She didn't miss his frown, or the way his eyebrows furrowed, but he didn't respond as he turned the truck into the drive as her phone instructed. Didn't argue against her stupid, flippant statement.

She told herself it didn't matter. 

But she was a goddamn liar.

 

 

They nearly came to blows when he parked the truck and she heaved herself out of it before the engine even turned off.

"Lieutenant! What are you doing?" He demanded as she stumbled toward the little house.

"Going inside." Shit, the world was spinning again. Was she ever going to stop feeling vertigo? This was worse than having the drunk spins she would get after a night drinking in college.

"You're hurt, let me carry you in-"

"No," she snapped, smacking his hand away. "I'm not some pretty princess, Rogers, I don't need carried."

He stared at her like she had grown two heads. "I know that," he said slowly. "But you were just in a pretty bad car accident and you're really pale, Maria. Let me help you. Please."

"I'm fine." She was. She _was_ , dammit, she didn't need him to carry her, or take care of her, or compromise her. She wouldn't let her connection to him become a _liability_. She could take care of herself, she'd been doing it for more than long enough.

To prove it, she stomped up the front porch steps and slapped her hand on the little palm reader by the door. A faint hum had the palm reader warming under her hand, and the the door slid open.

"See? Got inside just fine," she stated, then promptly tripped and nearly fell on her face.

Those gentle arms caught her and kept her from doing so.

And just, goddammit. Damn her wooziness, and damn London for being such a miserable wasteland of a city where everything always went wrong. Damn Fury for sending her here and damn Hydra for STILL going after Steve, it had been 80 years, find something else to obsess over, for frick's sake.

And damn Steve for not leaving her alone when she wanted to lay down and weep. Damn the stupid serum because she wasn't the only one who had been in an accident, and he had been hurt worse than she had, had practically taken a bullet for her, but somehow she was the one needing coddling. 

And goddamn herself, because she was so hopelessly, impossibly gone for him, and there was no going back on it. No turning it off. No getting around the humiliating fact that she just wanted to stay in his arms and be held.

"Maria."

"What?" She snapped, and goddamn her stupid voice for trembling, too.

Those arms tightened a little. "Let's go see what supplies they have."

 

 

She let him check her over.

If she snarled occasionally or refused to look him in the eyes, well, she was entitled to her pissiness. She'd rather eat glass than admit she was hurting, but she _did_ ache, absolutely everywhere. Keeping a stoic look on her face was par for the course, but snarling was also absolutely allowed.

She sat on an exam table in a small room with medical supplies and a sink. It had probably once been a bedroom, but with Shield agents using it to lie low someone had wisely installed the medical room, and it was well stocked. There was one bedroom in the little house, a workout area in the basement, a small living area and a decent kitchen. 

The laundry room sported an assortment of weapons she would be looking through once she felt better.

Keeping her focus on the hallway, she refused to acknowledge the awkward silence that had filled the safe house since they arrived.

It wasn't until he'd stitched the wound on her cheek and bandaged the gash on her forehead that Steve spoke.

"Letting someone help you isn't a weakness, Maria."

She didn't hide the snort. "I read the reports on your time before the serum, Rogers. You wouldn't accept a helping hand if it smacked you upside the head."

"That's not true," he protested quietly, gathering up the supplies. "My mother was always there for me, until...until she wasn't. And I had Bucky. I let the people who mattered help me."

She had no clue how the hell she was supposed to reply to that so she kept her eyes firmly on the wall in front of her.

"You can rely on me to help you," he said. "Without judging you or thinking less of you. I've seen you dig glass out of your own feet, Maria, and you barely batted an eye because you were so focused on the dire conversation occurring around you. You planted yourself in front of a vengeful and deadly robot with nothing more than a pistol and refused to back down because Helen Cho had no backup. You were barely able to stand earlier and still took down two agents while I was trying to dislodge myself out of a dashboard. You've had my utmost respect for years, Lieutenant, for those reasons and many, many more. Letting me carry you inside because you're injured and having trouble doesn't diminish your capabilities. I would never disrespect you like that. I'm sorry if others have."

Quietly, he turned and started to tidy up.

She watched him clean the tools he used. She could just keep quiet. There was no reason to spill her guts, to give him any explanations. She was entitled to her opinions, and didn't owe anyone anything.

But he had been honest. She could be honest in return.

"It's hard for me to lean on people."

Steve paused, not moving for several seconds. Then he dried his hands and turned to face her. "Why?"

"I make the hard decisions," she said. She'd told him that earlier, but it was worth repeating if he was to understand. "The calls no one wants to make. The choices no one truly agrees with. Tends to put people off. No one really appreciates it or sticks around when they know you'll sacrifice them for the greater good." She meant to sound casual but it came out bitter. Shit.

"It's not easy, being the one to make those sorts of calls," Steve said, leaning on the counter. 

"No. You would know, huh?" He'd crashed a plane into the arctic making one of those calls. Let Stark fly into a wormhole with another. 

And one time, he'd asked the impossible.

He sighed. "I've made the tough decisions a time or two, yes. It's easier when the person who's affected is yourself."

"It's much harder to sacrifice a friend, even if you know it means keeping half the world safe," she agreed quietly. She wasn't sure why she said it. Normally she didn't rehash the past, preferring to move ahead and onward. The D.C. disaster had been years ago. But it had been a turning point, for her.

And maybe it was a huge ass mistake. But she wanted him to know why.

Steve froze. For a moment she was afraid that he'd stopped breathing, he was so still. Her own heart skipped a beat, she wasn't sure if she should jump up and check on him, or just start laughing and pretend it was a joke, or...

"Project Insight," he said hoarsely, rubbing a hand over his beard. "The helicarriers. I told you to take them down."

"You told me to shoot you out of the sky."

"I never should have--"

"Yes, you should have," she interrupted. "You know why. So much was at stake. And you knew I would do it. You trusted me to make the hard decision, Cap. And I did. It's what I do."

"I'm --"

"I hesitated."

He blinked at her confession. She shifted under his intense focus, clearing her throat. She'd never told anybody that. Not even Fury. 

"I was linked to your comm the whole time, did you know that? You might not remember," she said, while he took a deep breath and kept his steady gaze on her. "I heard everything. You pleading with Barnes not to make you fight him."

Steve flinched, and she thought about stopping, about shutting up, but something in his eyes told her to keep going.

So she did.

"I heard the fight. Every hit, every blow, every gasp of pain." And it killed her, knowing he had been up there all alone, and that no backup was coming to help him. "I listened to him shoot you. Listened to you pull yourself up and get to those target blades, though the pain had to be excruciating. And then you told me to fire. To take you down."

She could nearly hear her own words floating in the air between them, those few moments where she'd been unable to process what he'd said.

_"But, Steve..."_

"You told me to do it." Her voice was so quiet now it was barely audible in the little room. She looked at her hands, folded in her lap. "And I hesitated. Just a second, no more than two. But I didn't want to follow that order, Steve."

It took all her courage to lift her head, and lock eyes with him. Eyes that were such a steady, patient, endless blue.

"It took me far too long to understand why."

He pushed away from the counter. Her breath caught at the way he was looking at her, it was too intense, too consuming and she needed to look away but she couldn't. She wasn't a coward, she didn't do things half way, and if she was going to blurt out her feelings for him she would damn well see it through.

"Maria..." he stopped just far enough away that she could practically feel him vibrating with a steady sort of energy. Those focused blue eyes zeroed in on her again. "I once gave a woman my jacket on a cold night for the same reason. A woman who didn't want or need my help, but who I couldn't take my eyes off of. A woman who snuck into a truck of Hydra agents and then beat the hell out of them to save me and my friends."

He smiled at the memory, and she couldn't help but smile back. Wearing that horrible helmet had nearly squashed her skull, but it had been worth it.

"A woman who stormed the Triskellion, with such purpose that I knew I was lucky to have her by my side. Especially after she dropped anyone who stood in our way. A woman who lived in the Tower with us, and every day for a year it was on the tip of my tongue to tell her, to show her. But she was so formidable, and I was so clumsy, and I wasn't sure if she would ever feel the same. And then one night I finally took a chance, and offered her my jacket." 

He reached out, lacing their fingers together. The shiver tingled through her, her lips parting as Steve stepped closer, dipped his head toward hers. "And everything changed. The Tower was destroyed, Stark revealed the woman had been working for Fury the entire time, and Ultron nearly tore us apart. I didn't see her again in person for four years."

"Steve." What could she say to that? She'd been called away during the Ultron fiasco, and he was right, she _had_ been working for Fury the entire time. She was lucky he didn't throw that in her face when she first appeared in London.

But he didn't seem upset. Instead, his thumb traced small circles on her palm. Each time he swirled his thumb an echoing tug went through her. If she tilted her head up, just a little...

Her phone rang.

It was still in Steve's pocket and he jumped, staring down at his hip with utter confusion on his face. Since the phone had been on silent mode this whole time, she couldn't blame him.

"It's Fury," she told him. Only one person could make her phone ring on silent mode. "I need to answer that."

Wordlessly, Steve reached into his pocket and gave her back her phone. 

It took her a few more seconds to gather the courage to let go of his hand, and step away.

"This is Hill." She strode out of the room, leaving Steve staring after her.

Lingering on how hurt and confusion flashed over his features before she walked out was a bad idea.

It would be less painful to focus on the furious man on the phone. Fury scowled at her from the screen, and she just knew he had his hands shoved on his hips.

"Hill, what in the HELL---"

She slipped into the small bedroom and filled him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "She wouldn't let her connection to him become a liability" line is stolen from a deleted scene in Winter Soldier where Sitwell informs Maria the new director feels her connection to Rogers is a liability.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Romantic suspense is a favorite genre of mine, so there will be some Sexy Times, then Stressful Times ahead! I'll be updating the tags accordingly, but just a head's up for anyone who might not be prepared!

The little house was silent when Maria ended the call.

Clean up crews already finished picking up the mess they'd made in London, and a new safe house was being prepped for them to move to in the morning. The clock on her phone told her it was 4am, and she rubbed her eyes. With the jetlag, recalling the last time she slept was difficult. Had it been 27 hours, or 32? Either one was not a good call, though she had passed out for a few hours after the car accident. So there was that. She'd gotten some rest.

The pain meds Steve had given her had at least done their job well. She could walk without wanting to cry, and was feeling pretty good. Deciding it was time to get the hell out of her leather pants, she found some sweats in a dresser and changed. The bed looked so tempting, but Maria searched around in the dresser drawers, found what she needed. Then she opened the bedroom door and went back down the hall.

She found Steve in the basement beating the hell out of a punching bag.

How many times had she come across him doing the same thing when she lived at the Tower? He'd also found a change of clothes somewhere and now wore a gray t-shirt and navy sweatpants. Those muscles rolled every time he landed a hit, his breathing fast and uneven. Her own breath hitched watching him, and she leaned against the doorframe, mesmerized. 

It had been so long since they'd seen each other. For a while she really had convinced herself she was over him, that her feelings for Steve Rogers were purely physical, but that was such a lie. Obviously the super solider had a build worthy enough to drool over, but it wasn't that making her blood warm. It was the whole of him. Steve had so much power, but even now he held back, careful not to destroy the bag. She'd never known someone so aware of their strength, so careful not to misuse it. That unbelievable, unshakable control, never misplaced because he was constantly on the lookout for, and taking care of, others.

Like a moth to a flame, Maria stepped toward him. 

She must have made just enough noise because he shifted, looked over at her, and smiled.

"I thought you might have fallen asleep," he said, stepping away from the bag and undoing the wraps on his hands. 

"Not tired."

He kept unwrapping his hands, eyes locked on hers. She held his gaze, not backing down. Maria Hill was a woman who knew what she wanted. 

She'd wanted to be with Steve for years. 

"Are you sure?" he asked. "It's been a long night." 

God, that husky voice made her pulse skip, made her want to vault the couch between them. The feelings that had been building between them all night ratcheted up another notch, making her bold, encouraging her to take that next leap.

"I think I've wasted enough time sleeping and not acting." She stepped toward him, heart thundering in her ears. 

Steve froze. His eyes went dark, taking on that glint that made her yearn. Just the small hints of his interest had her stomach jumping. 

"Maria."

"Hmmm?" There was a little bead of sweat on his forehead. Why was that so enticing? She wanted to lick it off, to card her fingers through his hair and fuse his mouth to hers, making him relinquish some of that impressive control.

She licked her lips slowly instead. Steve's strangled groan shot desire straight through her, tensing the muscles between her legs.

"You got pretty banged up earlier," he said, shaking his head, as if that would get rid of the energy in the room, sending her a placating smile. "Why don't you go back upstairs and I'll keep watch?"

He probably meant to use that million dollar smile as a way to deter her. That was his Captain America smile, the one he gave the press. 

It wasn't going to work on her. 

"I'm fine. I don't wanna sleep, Cap."

"Oh?" He cleared his throat, ran a hand through his hair. Her fingers itched to do the same. His hair was so long now. Combined with the beard it gave him an edge; one she always knew was there but was secretly thrilled to actually see. It was perfect for an undercover look, but she wondered if perhaps it also stood for so much more, a signal that the Captain was no longer taking orders. From anyone.

He cleared his throat again, and her lips curved. He kept trying to be a gentleman, to not be affected.

There was no way she was letting that happen.

"I'm feeling pretty good, actually," she continued, moving closer still. That thrum of energy was surrounding him again. Was it nerves? Or was desire crashing through him as it was her? "You took good care of me earlier." And now she hesitated, because she was about to put herself out on the line, and it made her palms a little sweaty. "Did you mean what you said?" She asked quietly. "About wanting to take a chance?"

Those blue eyes were endless. "Every word."

Her lips curved. Oh, thank God. "I have a few ways to achieve that in mind."

His eyebrows lifted, and she put her hands on his shoulders, sliding even closer to him. When he stilled, then slowly settled his hands on her hips, she grinned.

"What sorts of ways, Lieutenant?" 

"Relaxing ones," she promised. 

"You should rest," he tried, one last time, but his lips were only inches away from her own, his breath teasing her, mingling with hers.

"'I'll rest later. I know what I can and can't handle, Cap."

"Steve." He insisted, moving just a little closer. God, she needed him to lean down just a bit, she needed him a little closer...

"Steve," she whispered.

And that was all it took. Maria wasn't sure if she leapt forward, or if Steve picked her up, but the next thing she knew she surging against him, the wraps falling forgotten to the floor. He crushed his lips to hers, a noise of desperation ripping out of him, and she lost herself to the passion of it, letting go of everything but Steve.

Steve, God, she was kissing _Steve_. She'd always talked herself out of it, always put the mission first. But she could never stop the wish, the desire.

And holy hell, it was so much better than she'd ever dreamed.

Tangling her fist into his shirt, she let her tongue dance with his. A quick nip on his lower lip had him shuddering, then licking her upper lip in retaliation. She wrapped her arms up, curling them around his neck, a whimper escaping her when Steve licked the outside of her lips. Sinking into it, into him, she chased the kiss, sighing at his hands slinking up her sides, and the warmth that exploded through her everywhere he touched.

"Wanted this," he told her, hands sliding up and into her hair. Gently, he guided her head back to bury his face in her neck. "Wanted you. For years, Maria. You just about killed me in that outfit tonight."

His confession surprised a laugh out of her. "I know the feeling," she managed to get out before his desperate lips were covering hers again.

Closer. He needed to be closer. She wanted no space between them, wanted there to be no indication of where she ended and he began. Maria yanked him toward her, hitching her leg up and wrapping it around him. Leaning her hips into him, she caught his hardness between her legs and rocked.

Steve groaned, low and deep, grabbing her leg, dragging her backward until her back rested against the wall. Then he pressed himself into her, his erection meeting up at the center of her as he gripped her hips.

Maria gasped, need spiking through her, gripping at his shirt again as her put his hands under her ass and lifted her so both her legs locked around him, keeping him close.

"Steve," she managed, and it sounded like a whine, but she didn't care, Steve Rogers was rocking his hips into hers, right at her sweet spot, and every time he did pleasure shot through her. 

"Now," she demanded, scrambling for his shirt. Why did he still have it on, that was ridiculous. She wanted to feel his skin against hers, to rake her nails over that perfect complexion while he drove her to the edge. "Steve, now."

He chuckled, and for a second she thought she would have to get her gun and murder him, because he pushed her grabby hands away from his shirt.

"Not so fast, Lieutenant," he said against her lips. Kissing her deeply, beard tickling her cheeks, he rubbed his knuckles over her nipple, making her gasp and squirm.

"I'd like to enjoy this for a little bit," he went on. Sliding his hand under her shirt, he cupped her breast, his thumb rubbing continuous circles on her nipple in a slow, lazy tease. "I've thought about it more than once. I'd like to take my time."

Well, fine. Two could play at that game. Letting the wall hold her up, she undulated her hips again, making sure to rub her heat against his erection repeatedly, in her own slow and steady tease.

A shudder ran through him, and he huffed out a breath and held her still. "The night will end before it really begins if you keep up with that."

It was so tempting to keep going. She wanted to make him come unglued, wanted to watch him finally, finally let go and know she was the reason for it. That he was safe enough with her to do so. Face flushed, she sent him a wicked smiled and rocked against him one more time, just to let him know how badly she craved making him come.

As if he knew her thoughts, he dropped his head to hers, gripping her hips a little tighter now. "Fuck, Maria."

"Langu--" she started to joke, but his mouth covered hers again, cutting her off.

If she thought it was explosive before, it was nothing compared to now. Steve's hands were shoving her shirt up and away, giving him complete access to her breasts. Lowering his head, he nipped and licked, his beard scratching at her sensitive skin. He worked one breast with his mouth, the other with his hand, and Maria cried out, gasping at the sensations flickering through her.

He shifted, pushing away from the wall and walking them to the couch, his lips never leaving her nipple. The need rushing through her was devastating, and when he laid her down on the couch she all but moaned as he reached for her pants.

"Steve. STEVE. Now."

"Not yet." He smiled against her stomach, kneeling between her legs. A quick yank had her sweats off and on the floor, so she sprawled in front of him in nothing but her underwear.

Gently pushing her back on the couch so she laid down, he knelt next to her, tracing his fingers down.

It was torturous.

While she was nearly naked, he was still completely dressed, and Maria reached for his shirt again. Evading her grasp, he kissed her hot and fast again, and she had no choice but to drown in it as his hand slipped under her panties and into the center of her.

"Oh, GOD," she gasped out when his fingers found her clit and rubbed in slow, steady circles. When he set a pace that sent her toward the edge, he nuzzled her neck, beard tickling and driving her crazy. The sweetness of the nuzzling combined with the way he was taking her apart sent sensation after sensation wracking through her. The way he touched her--passionately, desperately, and with a possessiveness she didn't expect---overwhelmed her, canceling out any other thought in her head except for the feel of him, and his continuous undoing of her.

And then he slipped a finger inside her, his thumb still hitting that sensitive spot on her clit.

Pleasure slammed through her, bright and intense. She grabbed Steve's arm, crying out, panting into his mouth while he stroked her through the orgasm, kissing her fiercely.

"Steve." The word was a whimper while she came down, body tingling, every cell alight. Did he know how much he destroyed her? She couldn't tell, and could only cling onto him as the kiss deepened. Need began to swarm through her once more, slowly at first, then more urgently when he softly stroked her again.

This time, she wasn't going over alone. Yanking one arm around his waist, Maria dragged him onto the couch with her. He had to brace himself on his hands to keep upright, barely fitting on the tiny couch, but Maria didn't care. She ripped at his shirt, dragging it up and away, running her hands over his bare skin. There he was, why had he made her wait so long? She wanted to skim her fingers over every inch of him, find out what made him shake and moan.

"Maria." He groaned into her mouth when she reached for his sweats, cupping him through the thin material.

"Now," she insisted again, and Steve laughed. "Condom. In my sweats. _Now_ , Steve, Jesus."

He blinked, then laughed again. Before she registered it, her underwear and his pants were gone, and...holy crap.

Maria just stared at him, then swallowed slowly. She'd felt him earlier through his pants, but that was a truly impressive erection. And it was way past time to make him shatter the way she had.

Reaching out, she stole the condom away from him. She stroked a hand over him once, then wrapped her hand tightly around him. Steve bucked, panting when she started to pump up and down, rubbing her thumb at the slick leaking out of him.

Growling, he trembled but kept still while she placed the condom on him, then grasped her hand and brought it up behind her head, kissing her hot and fast again, that impressive length pressing into her stomach.

She shifted, tilting her hips until he was situated in a far more preferable position. 

Steve groaned, arms shaking a little with effort from holding himself up, or need, she wasn't sure.

The tip of him pressed against her, and Maria gasped, arching back to meet him, to welcome him in. But he didn't move. He stayed nestled at her entrance, the tip of him hard and fitting perfectly against her.

"Maria," he managed, and his voice was strangled, but his eyes locked with hers.

"Steve," she panted, a plead, a beg, she wasn't sure. She only knew she wanted him, needed him to slam down into her, to fill her, to join them in a way that would make both of them ecstatic.

Instead he sank down into her slowly, and she cried out, clenching around him, throwing her head back. THIS. Yes, this. She should have done this years ago; he slid into her perfectly as if he belonged there and her body arched to welcome him, yearned for him, accepting him as if he were a piece that had been missing. Because of course Steve would fill her completely, it was Steve, some part of her had known it would always be Steve. And God, and now there really was no telling where she ended and he began.

They stayed that way for a moment, linked and quivering, his breath in her ear, his lips pressed softly on her neck.

She whimpered, emotions she couldn't name washing through her.

And then he started to move, slowly at first, his hips rocking into her, completely taking her, and her lips found his and she sank into the kiss, melting into surrounding him, hips meeting Steve's in a desperate frenzy she didn't realize she had bottled inside her.

Reaching down, he once again dragged a thumb over her nipple, making her sigh, slamming her hips up to meet the pace he'd set.

"Maria," Steve said again, and he buried his head in the crook of her neck, beard once again tickling and sending her to madness, making her wrap her arms around his neck and hang on for dear life. Pleasure again built and burst in her, and as if he could tell she was once again close, Steve reached between them and softly stroked her in time to the thrusting of their bodies.

Crying out, Maria shifted her hips to allow him in deeper, and Steve slid back inside her with a groan, lifting his head to meet her eyes.

"Now," he finally agreed, though she couldn't tell if it was an order or a plea. But his finger still rubbed circles on her clit, and his mouth was fierce and hot against her, and in no time she was riding the pleasure as fast as she could, grinding into Steve, biting his shoulder when the ache became too much and the orgasm ricocheted through her.

She rode him through it, clenching around him, crying out his name. Wave after wave of pleasure slammed into her, making her thrust her hips wantonly, and dimly she heard Steve utter her name and thrust into her just as desperately.

Panting, Steve dropped his head to hers, still holding himself upright so not to crush her. He was still nestled inside her, and she realized she would happily freeze that moment, forever keeping the two of them locked and entwined around each other.

They stay coupled like that for a long time, Steve occasionally leaning down and kissing her lazily, before her eyes start to droop shut. Jetlag was finally catching up to her.

Steve pressed a gentle kiss to her temple. "We can't stay here."

"Sure we can," she murmured sleepily. "The couch is fine."

And she didn't want him to pull away from her.

Smiling, he reached down and brushed her hair back, letting his hand linger on her cheek for a moment. She closed her eyes, relaxing into him. That was good, that was nice. She felt so goddamned good. She was taking this couch. It was going to be hers, and they could just stay right here forever.

Then he shifted, pulling out of her and stepping away, making her wish he would come back. Maybe they could go for another round, because it felt wrong to have Steve not buried deep inside her, wrong to have his warmth suddenly gone.

But he had other things in mind. Surprising her, he came back and swooped her into his arms, carrying her out of the workout room. The little squeak that popped out of her throat made him laugh, so she smacked his shoulder, then rested her head on it.

It should have been insulting, the way he just picked her up and carried her off. Instead it made her heart flutter a bit, and damned if she didn't like it. 

Easily walking up to the small bedroom, Steve carefully placed her in the middle of the bed. The mattress was surprisingly comfy, and she relaxed into it despite herself. 

It would be so easy, to curl against him and sleep in a bed like this. As if they had a chance at belonging to each other.

"You need to rest," Steve's voice rumbled above her. Maria frowned. He sounded so far away. When had he gotten so far away? Reaching out, she tried to snatch him back.

A soft kiss was placed on her forehead, and his thumb traced small circles on the edge of her palm. 

"Try to get some sleep," he whispered into her ear, "You're exhausted."

"Nuh uh," she protested, but it was pointless to lie.

The circles he kept tracing on her palm shifted a bit, so that the lazy strokes were now made on her wrist.

"Sleep." The order was said fondly. "I'll keep watch. Sleep, Lieutenant."

"Will you stay?" The question was out before she realized it. Probably she should take it back, make it sound like she wanted him around for security reasons, and not because she needed him.

But she was too tired to lie.

The bed dipped, and then Steve was next to her, wrapped around her. There was something about him, about the way he always smelled like he'd been in the sun for hours that made her sigh. That combined with the hint of sex still clinging to him sent a possessive sense of MINE crashing through her head.

"Good night, Maria."

She should have protested when he gently turned her, pulling her close. This was getting too intense, too intimate, and she knew damn well it wouldn't be able to last. But when would she ever have this chance again? Burying her face into his chest, Maria breathed in deep. Breathed in Steve. There was a sense of home, of finally being where she belonged, but she was too tired to think about what it meant. She was already half gone when she replied, "Good night, Steve."


	7. Chapter 7

When she woke, he was gone.

Of course he left. She sat up, ignoring the way her muscles screamed in agony. Damn painkillers wearing off.

It wasn't a big deal that he was gone, she told herself, trying to stretch her tense muscles. Steve would never sleep without making sure the house was secure, without checking that they were safe. He also only needed three hours of sleep compared to the rest of the mere mortals who should get eight. Expecting him to still be next to her...wow, six hours later, she _never_ slept that long...was silly. She wasn't a silly person.

But the disappointment still wiggled its way in.

Well, she needed a shower and to brush her teeth, anyway. Slowly, so slowly she felt a 90-year-old could go faster, Maria rose from the bed and made her way to the shower.

Standing underneath the spray far longer than necessary didn't make the aches and pains miraculously go away, but it did help ease the sting a bit. Car crashes, even when you had a super solider for a cushion, were a bitch.

Hobbling out of the shower, Maria took some extra strength pain relievers and went downstairs.

Steve stood at the stove, making breakfast.

Everything inside her went gooey.

His hair curled a bit at the edges, still damp from the shower he must have taken before she woke. He was barefoot, moving about the kitchen casually, humming under his breath while scrambling eggs. He absolutely dominated the little kitchen, his wide shoulders barely leaving him any room to maneuver around the cabinets to grab spices. But it didn't seem to bother him. Steve just absently reached for his cup of coffee, perfectly content.

This would be what a normal life was like, she realized. Quiet, small moments in the kitchen, watching the person you loved make breakfast.

Something like regret slashed through her, stealing her breath. It sucked that this couldn't last, that there would be no way to keep it up once they left and went back to their regular lives. The thought tore at her, made her eyes sting for just a moment. What would it be like to wake every morning and share the day with Steve?

"Good morning." She quietly stepped into the kitchen, feeling, of all stupid things, nervous.

Steve's face lit up. And oh, God. She wanted to him smile like that every day. Wanted to watch him lean back and laugh, to make him happy, to give the man a chance for the security and happiness he fought so hard for everyone else to have.

"Good morning. How do you feel?" He asked, moving the pan off the burner and setting it to the side.

"I've been better, but I've also been worse. Sleeping helped. Thanks."

"Anytime." When he stepped closer she actually had to force herself to breathe. Why the hell was she so nervous, it was just Steve, he was as intimidating as a puppy right now.

Of course, a puppy didn't look at her the way Steve looked did. She gulped as he stopped inches away from her, and this time she was the one practically vibrating from nervous energy.

After everything they'd done last night, why the hell was she so nervous now? Clearly she needed to get her head examined. She was being far too nervous, far too shy. That wasn't how she operated.

Then again. She never spent a night with someone taking care of her, watching over her so carefully the way Steve had. Never had someone making her breakfast the next morning.

Never wanted anyone to stick around longer than a night.

It was terrifying.

"What are you thinking?" He asked, leaning down to nuzzle at her. His mouth brushed by her ear, and lust zinged through her, pooling between her thighs. How could she still be so desperate for him? 

"I can hear you thinking," Steve murmured. "I was hoping you'd still be relaxed."

Who could be relaxed with Captain America nibbling on their ear? The little gasp that slipped out of her made him smile, and angle his mouth over hers. 

"Maybe I can help soothe your aches,"' he rumbled, then kissed her.

It was long, and soft, and sweet, different from the passionate ones from the night before but still just as intense. Cupping the back of her neck, tangling his fingers in her hair, Steve slowly ran his lips over hers, ripping a sigh out of her. He smiled against her lips, rubbing circles into her neck.

"Breakfast is going to get cold," she managed, and he huffed out a laugh.

"Well, we can't have that."

Grabbing plates, Steve scooped eggs into them and handed a plate to Maria. She accepted it, digging in when she realized how hungry she was.

"Thanks for making breakfast,"' she told him between bites.

"You're welcome." He grinned at her with his fork lifted halfway to his face. "Did you ever manage to conquer cooking?"

She thought about her last attempt to make enchiladas. It had not gone over well. "No,"' she admitted, scowling. She didn't have time to cook anyway, dammit.

"I suppose I'll just have to be the one keeping us fed and full while we're here," he teased, taking her plate back to the sink.

"Fury is sending a team to collect us this afternoon," she said, regretfully. "We need to get out of England."

"This afternoon, huh?" He snaked an arm out, picking her up and lifting her onto the counter.

Probably she should have been ashamed of the little thrill that sent through her. But she just shifted, spreading her legs so Steve could step forward between them.

Her fingers curled into his hair so easily, drawing him close to her.

"Whatever should we do until then, Lieutenant?" He asked, blue eyes twinkling.

"I'm sure we can think of something," she murmured, leaning into him.

Again the kiss was slow, and devastating. It whispered of promises and dreams, things Maria knew better than to dwell on or hope for. But they fluttered through her anyway, making her cling to Steve while he rained open-mouthed kisses down her neck, then wrapped his arms around her.

"I wish we could stay here like this," he admitted quietly.

"Me too." Leaning her head on his, she closed her eyes, held on tight. She would have to let go far sooner than she could ever prepare for. "I do too, Steve."

He pulled away a little, linking their hands together, rubbing those slow circles on her wrist.

"Maybe we can find a way," he began.

Then his head snapped to the left.

His muscles tensed, his nostrils flared. A fierce glare settled into his eyes while he slowly straightened, keeping his gaze on the hallway.

Maria kept perfectly still, straining to hear whatever he'd picked up on with his super senses.

Footsteps. Faint, so very faint, as if the approachers walked on eggshells. 

They were already in the house.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, SHIT.

Faster than she could register, Steve picked her up and whirled her behind him.

Scooting back until he completely covered her, he yanked the refrigerator door open just as shots started firing.

The door managed to catch a few of the bullets, but one shot through and went into Steve's forearm. He hissed, making Maria wince in sympathy, then yanked the refrigerator door off. Swinging it like a bat, he struck out and took down two of their attackers.

Maria jumped out from behind him, scrambling toward the weapons hidden in the next room. How had they found them, how had they gotten into the house? It should have been impossible, unless someone in Hydra had infiltrated Shield again.

Fury was going to go ballistic.

Snatching up the first gun she found, Maria rushed back to Steve in time to see him send three men flying out the front window.

The hole they made revealed four more men approaching the house, so Maria fired. With the helmets they had on she didn't have much to work with, but it distracted them enough that when Steve threw the dining table at them, they couldn't avoid it. They collapsed under the table's weight, and Maria used the opportunity to shoot at knees, keeping them down.

A hand wrapped around her waist and lifted her, and she leaned into Steve as he walked them out of the kitchen toward the back door, shooting at two intruders trying to fire at Steve's back. She caught one in the shoulder, and kept the other from managing to hit Steve. 

When they neared the back door it burst open, allowing six men to hustle inside. Changing paths immediately, Steve lunged for the sitting room, throwing them inside. He crashed to the ground, trying to kick the door closed with his feet while Maria rolled, then popped to her feet, gun up and ready for anyone who walked through the door.

The first two got bullets in the legs, but she wasn't as lucky with the rest. They fired back quickly, and Maria leapt behind the couch trying to get out of the line of fire.

Kicking out, Steve knocked a third one down, and jumped up to throw the fourth into the last two. Several fierce hits to the head had all of them unconscious. Whirling back her direction, Steve held his hand out toward her. Maria snatched a new gun from one of the intruders on the ground and rushed to him, slipping her hand in his.

"There's three more vehicles coming up the drive," he said calmly, peering out the window. 

"Any chance we can make it to our car before they get here?"

"Doubtful." His eyes flicked over to hers as the cars screeched into the drive. "We'll have to fight our way out."

Maria reached down and grabbed another gun. "All right. Let's show them what we're made of, Cap."


	8. Chapter 8

Shoes would have been helpful.

Charging out barefoot after Steve, she vaguely lamented the lack of time to get proper footwear. The first kick she sent into a man's chest had his vest cutting into her heel, and it was likely just going to get worse from there. Why was she always getting into situations when she didn't have her shoes on?

Oh, well. At least there wasn't glass this time.

Steve barreled into the first group like the bad ass that he was, barely breaking a sweat. A little zing went through her when he paused, locking eyes with her after taking the group down.

Then a new wave surrounded him and she lost track of him in the fists and flying Hydra agents.

A SWAT looking van barreled down the lane. Maria aimed for the tires, successfully hitting one. The van screeched to the left, and she took off, tumbling into the first person storming out of it.

Her palm went up and smashed into the person's nose. Should have worn a helmet. When he went down, she threw him into the person trying to leap out of the van behind him, then ducked out of the way when a third person fired at her.

She avoided it, but barely. It wasn't a bullet that she dodged, but some kind of tranquilizer dart. Right. They wanted Steve alive.

That wasn't about to happen. Feeling no remorse, Maria yanked a grenade off the third guy's vest and threw it into the van. Scrambling the hell away, she ducked behind another vehicle while the grenade went off.

Three Hydra agents surrounded her, one grabbing her arm and yanking her back. Maria went with it, then twisted and slammed her elbow into his face. Stealing his gun, she quickly shot at the second guy, who went down with a yelp.

Maria yanked the gun around to the third agent.

A woman with fire red hair smirked at her. "Hello, Agent Hill. Having a nice morning?" she asked sweetly.

Maria had no inclination to make small talk. She fired at the woman, striking her in the chest.

The woman didn't even flinch.

Oh, hell. That couldn't be good.

Maria emptied her clip into the woman, shooting for her chest multiple times, going for the head others. She dodged all the shots Maria fired.

Shit.

When Maria's gun emptied she threw it to the side, and just stared at the woman.

"Serum? Goddess? Inhuman?" She asked, hoping the woman would play along and give Maria a clue as to what she was dealing with.

God, her life had become so strange.

The woman just grinned, and it sent chills down Maria's back. Whatever the woman was, as a mere regular human, Maria was screwed.

That wouldn't keep her from trying.

Maria struck out first, trying to get the upper hand. The woman easily ducked her swing, stepping to the side. Her hand lashed out, revealing a dagger.

Maria stepped back. Okay, maybe she didn't need the upper hand, maybe she just needed to live. 

The woman flew at her, and Maria used every trick she'd ever leaned to keep that knife from sinking into her. Whatever the woman was, she was definitely enhanced in some way, though not as fast as Thor or Steve.

Sending a silent prayer of thanks to the Norse deity who once insisted she train with them, Maria was able to keep the woman from stabbing her. She even got a few pops in, something the woman didn't expect from the glare she wore every time Maria struck.

The longer the fight went on, however, the worse things got. A small crowd of Hydra agents gathered around them now. Even if Maria somehow managed to win, there would be no escaping them. And each hit the woman landed sent screaming pain down Maria's already battered body. She wished she had taken more pain relievers.

Swooping a leg out, Maria managed to knock the woman on her ass and felt a surge of satisfaction when she snarled.

Take that.

But Red popped back up too easily, lashing out at Maria before she could dance away. Maria stumbled, falling over slightly before she could stop herself, and the redhead slashed the dagger across her back.

White hot pain seared through her, and Maria couldn't stop the cry of pain. Though it made her back scream in agony, she stood back up and backed away, blood from a hit she'd taken earlier falling into her eyes.

"Had enough yet?" The woman taunted.

"No." She'd never been good at backing down. Using all the energy she had left, Maria flew at the woman, slamming her head into the redhead's nose and grappling for the dagger.

The blade sliced into her hands and _fuck_ it hurt, but Maria kept trying to steal it away.

She would not be the reason something happened to Steve.

Luck was finally on her side. She wrenched the dagger free from the redhead and caught her in the neck. 

For once the woman looked surprised.

"You're harder to take down than I thought," the woman said, running a hand to her neck. "I have to give you credit for that. I'm rarely surprised."

"I'm just getting started," Maria stated, gripping the dagger tightly.

The woman laughed, lowering her arm. Her fingers were stained red when she drew them away. "While I appreciate the enthusiasm, it's time to end this now."

Bracing herself, Maria waited for the woman to draw another weapon or attack.

Instead, the woman whistled sharply.

Every Hydra agent standing, even the ones circling them, fell back behind the woman. Suddenly alone, Maria gulped, watching all of them desist their attack and come to stand behind Red.

Back by the house she could see Steve blinking at the strange retreat also, wariness settling into his features.

"Captain Rogers." The woman's voice rang out over the lawn. "Stand down."

Steve straightened slowly, striding across the grass in pure Captain America fashion.

"Who are you?" He demanded, stopping when he reached Maria. At the brief glance he sent her way, she nodded to let him know that though she probably looked like she was about to keel over, she wouldn't. 

"I'm surprised you don't recognize me, Captain." The woman lifted an eyebrow, folded her arms. "Although I suppose you met my father at a time in his life when he was...rather different than he was in his youth."

"Your father?" Steve asked, narrowing his eyes at her. Maria inched closer to him. She didn't like the glint in the Red's eyes.

"I didn't know him, growing up. Didn't get the chance, thanks to you." She said the words casually, but hatred burned in her eyes as she stared at Steve. "But his followers kept me hidden away, tried to show me how to follow in his footsteps. Too bad he can't be here now. He'd love to see the fall of the great Captain America."

"That's not happening," Maria stated. "And that's enough of the chit chat. Who are you?"

"Sinthea Shmidt. You can call me Sin."

It didn't ring any bells for Maria but Steve blinked. "Shmidt? Johann Shmidt? You're Red Skull's daughter?"

"That's correct, Captain. Although honestly, that nickname is insulting. My father was so much more than that."

"Yeah, I know." Steve frowned. "He was a ruthless killer. How are you here?"

"You think you are the only one who volunteered to undergo treatments for the cause they believe in? My father had me injected with a serum to try and match yours when I was but days old. When I nearly died, they put me in stasis. I stayed that way for a long time. Until Hydra needed a new figure to reinforce their destroyed ranks, and to go after the vulnerable Captain America. They found me, took me out of stasis. And I thrived."

"Apparently, if you were an infant when they took you under." Maria snorted.

Sinthea glared at her. "They had a process to immediately age me." She smirked. "Choosing the best age to take Captain Rogers down."

Steve shook his head. "I'm afraid you're mistaken, Ms. Shmidt. Agent Hill and I will be leaving now."

"Actually, you won't. Not if you don't want to end several innocent lives."

"What do you mean?" Steve demanded.

"No one needed to fight you to bring you down, Captain. That became obvious to me while I studied you. You'll gladly hand yourself over to keep others safe."

Maria inwardly winced, because it was true, her mouth going dry.

Steve only tilted his head. "That wouldn't exactly be wrong." He sent her a hard look. "Who are you threatening?"

"Twelve elementary schools." 

Steve reeled back, as if he couldn't believe they would would actually resort to threatening children. Maria stayed still, face blank, trying not to let her surprise or horror show. She'd known Hydra was ruthless enough to try such a thing. They'd had no qualms about killing half the population after all. But to have them actually do it...

Sin lifted a hand, had two of her goons stepping forward. Each of them revealed a small tablet, showing playgrounds on six small screens.

_You bitch,_ Maria thought, but her face didn't reveal a thing. Keeping her expression as bored as she could, Maria stepped forward before Steve could reply.

"Shield doesn't negotiate," she said firmly. "And there's nothing to say that this is a legit situation. We aren't handing over Captain Rogers because you have a camera aimed at schools."

"Maria," Steve warned.

"Would you like proof?" Sin asked, smiling. "I could arrange a demonstration."

"No!" Steve said quickly. "I'll go with you."

Turning on her heel, Maria sent a sharp look at Steve. "Cap, you know how Fury feels about handing someone over to a bully." She let none of the fear streaking through her show. If they had any idea how much she cared for Steve, they'd use it against him. So she kept her tone flat, and impersonal. "If they'd asked for anyone else on your team, you'd refuse to give them."

_Please don't do this,_ her eyes begged him. She didn't know how the hell they'd get out of this, but he couldn't just turn himself over to them.

"I'm making a hard decision, Lieutenant." His gaze was steady while he spoke to her, and Maria heard the tight resolve she had on her control start to snap. Goddamn him, he wasn't doing this. God only knew what Hydra had planned once they got control of him, but it was bound to be horrible.

She opened her mouth to protest, trying to think of the best argument to use, when he turned to Sin.

"How do I know you'll keep your word and not harm those children?"

She smirked. "You don't."

"Then this conversation is over," Maria said flatly.

"I have a stipulation," Steve said, and Sin rolled her eyes.

"You're really in no position to bargain. But whatever, I'll allow it. What do you want?"

"If I come with you, Agent Hill goes free to ensure those children are safe."

NO. Whipping her head to face him, Maria struggled to keep up the nonchalant act though her heart pounded so quickly black spots appeared in her vision. 

"Captain Rogers," she snapped, "That is not--"

He cut her off with a fierce look that made her heart shatter.

"Can I trust in you to back me up?"

She read what he was really saying easily enough.

_I'll hold on until you can get me out._

The faith the man had in people was astounding. She knew damn well she didn't deserve it.

"Fury will be mad," she said, trying to fight back the trembling threatening to take control over her. Oh, Jesus, she had to actually do this. She couldn't take down Sin alone, and Steve would never let innocents be harmed. She had to leave Steve in the hands of his worst enemies. With the people who had 80 years of revenge to enact on. 

Ohgod, Ohgod, Ohgod....

Somehow she managed to keep the terror out of her voice. "I'll do what needs to be done."

_Nothing will stop me from getting you back._

He smiled. "I know you will, Lieutenant."

_I'm counting on it._

Turning back to Sin, Steve asked, "Do we have a deal?"

Her eyes flicked to Maria, a slow smirk curving her lips. "Sure, Captain. We can do that."

The truth smashed into Maria while she stared at the redhead, but she didn't say a word. It wouldn't do any good, and Steve needed to believe she would get him back.

And she would. She'd tear the world apart fixing this. Nothing would change that.

So she forced herself to keep her back ramrod straight while the two Hydra agents stepped forward with special cuffs. She remembered Steve mentioning them before, telling her after the Project Insight debacle how a team had tried to use special magnet handcuffs on him to take him in the Triskellion. 

They'd apparently upgraded them. The cuffs hummed with some sort of energy as they brought them forward, making the hair on the back of her neck stand straight up. What they hell were they? 

Steve stood still, holding his arms out, allowing them to bind his wrists. 

Inside she was screaming, and her mind was racing, still trying to find a way out of this, to keep Steve from getting in the van they began to drag him toward. It wasn't right to see him going along, to see him willingly let them take him just to spare anyone else pain. Just standing there sliced her to shreds, she didn't want to do this, she didn't want to let them hurt him. 

But she was already beaten half to death and didn't see another way out. And she hated herself for that, for getting him into this, when she should have stayed the hell away. If she hadn't arrived in London, none of this would have happened. It was her fault.

She was going to goddamn well fix it.

Her heart cracked with each step he took; soon there would be no going back and her breakfast was dangerously close to coming back up at the thought. When he got into the back of the van he turned and caught her gaze one last time.

The urge to sob, to scream and fight and beg nearly had her dropping to her knees. Somehow she held it back, and kept her eyes on his, hoping he knew everything she couldn't say. She would right this, he wouldn't be alone long. If she had to sell her soul to do it, she would do so, gladly. Part of it was already dying now, seeing him chained and at the mercy of Hydra.

But Steve held her gaze with those steady, blazing blue eyes, hair falling a little into his face. As if he didn't have a doubt that she would come after him.

Then they slammed the doors closed and he was gone.

Maria bit her lip so hard blood pooled in her mouth, forcing herself to stay upright. The trembling in her hands started as the van pulled away, and despite her sheer determination not to let her panic show, she couldn't stop it.

Sinthea stepped up next to her. "According to our bargain, we'll be giving you a ride back to London now."

Maria kept her eyes on the van getting smaller and smaller as it drove out of sight. "No, you won't."

She'd known it as soon as Steve offered the bargain that they wouldn't just be letting her go. Whatever they'd told Charles they needed her for was still in effect. Maria would be not going to London, checking on schools.

But they'd needed Steve to think that she was, to get him to cooperate.

"No," Sin said, taunting laughter creeping into her voice. "We won't. I'm glad we understand each other, Agent Hill."

Then she smashed the hilt of her dagger against Maria's temple, and the world went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sin is Red Skull's daughter, and she is rapidly aged in some of the comics, though I changed a few of her other characteristics for my own self-serving purposes for the story.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters are full of torture-y unpleasantness, so if that's a problem, please skip the next two to three chapters!

Waking was not pleasant.

Ropes bound her to a chair, which was never a good thing. Even her head was securely fastened to the chair, making her unable to move her head. A blank screen hung from the wall in front of her, and the rest of the room, from what she could see, was completely empty.

Shit. 

The events about to unfold were going to be bad. 

Closing her eyes, she recalled all the trainings she'd been through. This wasn't the first precarious situation she'd been in, but the set up in front of her indicated she was about to be in for some Hydra recruiting. Nothing like good, old-fashioned, brainwashing to get someone on your team. Her blood chilled a little, however. How many agents had suffered through this when Shield had initially fallen? She knew of at least ten. Only a few had been able to get their mind back.

Well, she always did like a challenge. And at least she knew what Hydra wanted her for. It would be a rather large kick to Fury's ego to have his second in command under their control.

Not that she had any inclination of indulging them.

The door creaked open behind her. Great. Time to get started. When Sin walked into her sight, Maria sent a baleful expression her way.

"This place could use a little hospitality upgrade."

Sin rolled her eyes. "Yes, keep telling yourself sarcasm equals bravery. Do I need to explain to you what's about to happen?"

"You're trying to win friends and influence people?"

Sin smacked her. Though there was force in it, Maria's head stayed firmly in place. Dammit. She'd been hoping to find it had a little give. So much for that idea.

She decided to focus on more important matters.

"Gonna try and brainwash Cap, too? Good luck with that. The man is obnoxiously stubborn."

"Why? Worried about him, Hill?" Sin asked, beginning to tape Maria's eyelids open. Fuck. She couldn't keep her skin from crawling. This was going to be seriously unpleasant.

"Just seeing if I'm the only one getting the Hydra recruitment speech."

"We have other plans for Captain Rogers."

She wanted to ask what, but that would give her feelings away and aaaaaah both her eyes were taped open now and all she wanted was to just friggin blink.

"Comfy?" Sin asked.

"Could use a better chair," Maria retorted.

Sin chuckled. "Goodbye, Maria. Enjoy your viewing."

The light clicked off and the reel started. 

 

 

She didn't know how long it lasted.

It hadn't been too bad, at first. Other than the mind-numbingly horrible need to close her eyes. There were lots of voices telling her for two hours why Hydra was the best, and how they needed to be rulers of the world, blah, blah, blah.

The stupid Hydra sigil kept popping up, glowing and obvious and ridiculous. The film clicked off, then started again. 

And again.

And again.

Around the seventh time she viewed it, her fingers began to claw at the chair. Someone had to be coming to check on her soon. Hunger rumbled through her stomach, she had to desperately pee, and her eyes had long ago started twitching. 

The 20th - 30th? She had no idea, time had lost all meaning-- time she viewed it her fingers were bloodied stumps and every part of her bound by the ropes was chafed and raw and oozing something. She wasn't sure when she'd started screaming, but now her voice was gone, and she still couldn't close her eyes. God, Jesus, please, she needed to close her eyes, it wasn't right, this was biologically wrong, and her body was twitching, it wouldn't stop twitching over and over and over and... 

Her sanity was unraveling, she could feel it slowly slipping away like water down a drain. Her bladder had long since emptied itself, her stomach cramped and contracted painfully from hunger, and her lips, her lips were dry and cracked and bleeding. And her eyes, what was wrong with her eyes, why wouldn't they shut?

All she could hear, as steady and constant as the beat of her heart, were the words "Hail Hydra."

Until another scream tore through the room. 

She flinched, but of course she couldn't fucking move. She'd tried, hadn't she tried to break the bonds, to get away? To make that fucking movie end. To get free and help someone---who was she supposed to be helping, oh, God, there _was_ someone, somewhere --but another twitch rocketed through her and why, WHY couldn't her eyes close?

Another scream, and when had she started screaming again? Wasn't her voice gone? Was that even her? It couldn't be her. It was too deep to be hers, was someone else here?

Who was here, who was here, who was-

A longer scream this time, an anguished one. It tore through her, sent her already breaking mind shattering close to the edge. She didn't want that person screaming, it was worse than her own, she'd rather yank her own heart out then hear that suffering but why, WHY, who was---

Steve.

The word snapped through, calming her hysteria. _Steve_. Steve was here, Steve was screaming, what the hell had they done to make the super solider scream like that?

Goddammit she was going to get free, she was going to help him. Thrashing instantly, she kept trying to break her chair, though she'd discovered long ago it was steel, and bolted to the floor. 

That didn't stop her.

Her name was Maria Hill.

She was an Agent of Shield.

She was Fury's second-in-command.

She liked jogging in the mornings, Thai food for dinner, and watching baking shows with Pepper Potts.

And she was going to annihilate that Red Skull bitch and anyone who helped her.

Something shattered behind her, and light flooded the room.

"----need to get her stop, hold her still, I can't get the syringe in."

"Ow, shit, she bit me!"

"Stop whining---"

A sharp prick stung at her neck, and then all went blessedly dark.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for graphic descriptions of violence

The next few days were a blur. She woke and passed out repeatedly. There were vague recollections of someone cleaning her, bandaging her hands, of being given food.

But it was hazy, and she wasn't conscious long. Either she went under on her own, or she was helped along with drugs, cruel voices whispering taunts in her ear about breaking her.

Night terrors woke her several times. Dreams where she was bound to a chair watching videos she couldn't escape terrorizing her. Or stuck in a closet, horrible screams coming from the person she loved on the other side, unable to get out.

But before she could do anything about the horror, she sunk back into darkness.

Eventually - days, weeks?- she was able to stay awake longer than fifteen minutes. The first time she didn't quickly black back out had her assessing her surroundings.

The ground was cold.

Why was she sprawled on a concrete floor? Was it because someone was stabbing an ice pick into her brain, because, Jesus, _ow_.

Moving was impossible, she didn't have the energy to move her head, yet alone her arms or legs so she stayed on the ground, face smushed to the left, so exhausted she couldn't stop the drool escaping her mouth.

What the actual hell.

A groan popped out of her before she could hold it back. Making noise was bad. She knew it instinctively, but she couldn't really recall why.

Until footsteps sounded and someone stepped into the room with her.

"You're finally fully conscious." The voice sounded close, near her ear, but she couldn't turn her head to tell.

"I thought for a while you might not wake," the voice continued. "Although I have hand it to you. Most people break by now."

Hands gripped her shoulders, flipped her over so she could stare at a cracked ceiling.

"Do you have anything to tell us?" The voice asked.

There was a click, and a large icon appeared on the ceiling. A green, menacing octopus glared down at her.

The words were immediate.

"Hail Hy-"

NO. 

No, no, HELL no.

"FUCK Hydra," she snarled, everything coming back to her in a flash. She'd been taken by Hydra, by the daughter of the Red Skull. Oh, there was no _way_ she was giving in to their terror tactics. She would not say it, she would not give them the satisfaction-

Sin sighed. "Guess we'll try something else. Gentleman. If you please?"

Maria was hauled to her feet. Since she had no energy she slumped against her captors, wishing she had the strength to at least elbow one of them. As it was, it took everything she had to keep her head up.

Sin looked like she was about to speak, but a terrible, pained, shout broke the silence in the little room, and she rolled her eyes instead.

"I told them to wait," she muttered, pulling out her phone. 

"What are you doing to him?" Maria demanded as another cry ripped through the room, slicing at her heart. Steve. An image of his kind face with deep blue eyes and heart-breaking smile flashed across her mind. Oh, God, what had they been doing to Steve while they'd tried to brainwash her?She had to get to him, she had to figure this out...

She had promised.

"Testing his healing abilities." Sin put her phone away. "Seeing how they work. I've got the high pain tolerance, but can't heal rapidly like Captain Rogers. We need to understand how his body does it."

"So you're torturing him?" Shit, her voice shouldn't have broken, it was giving away too much but the thought of what they had to be doing to Steve to make him cry out like that made panic claw at her throat.

"Well, duh." Sin rolled her eyes again. "It's been great fun, too. Did you know the Captain is afraid of ice water? We tried shoving his head in a bucket of ice and nearly lost three men, he reacted so wildly."

Maria didn't know what to say to that, only closed her eyes. Sin tapped her cheek, making her open them again.

"Soon we'll begin testing to see if our suppressants work on him," Sin said. "But maybe you want to see what we've achieved first, hmm?"

Snapping her fingers, she left the little room Maria had been thrown in. The men dragged Maria out and down the hall after her. 

Okay, surroundings, she had to get a feel for the layout of the place. Why was the damn hall so small? She didn't get anything useful out of it other than the walls were beige. No windows, no decorations. Grumbling, she leaned more on the guy to her right. Her leg brushed against his and...ha. He had a cell phone in his pocket. Idiot.

Gritting her teeth, using every ounce of energy she had, she nabbed his phone, sliding it into her own pocket on her sweats.

Thank God Romanoff taught her to pick pockets.

She stumbled a bit, craning her neck around, trying to see if there would be anything else helpful, but saw nothing. Just as well. Sin rounded another corner, and opened the door to a new room.

The thugs hauled Maria inside, threw her to the floor. She tried to gather the strength to stand but only managed to prop herself on her elbows. Sin strolled in, stopping off to the side so that Maria could easily see the spectacle in front of her.

Oh, God.

Steve hung from his wrists on the wall. The cuffs they had used earlier were keeping him place, although now he had four cuffs on each wrist securing him to some magnetic strip. His head was slumped forward, and he didn't budge when they walked in. 

His chest was nearly ripped open.

Maria had seen what humans could do to one another more often than she cared to. Even after the ordeal Sin had just put her through, Maria knew it could have been far, far worse. And yet it was still a shock to see Steve's skin flayed open, to see how his body did not resemble a regular form anymore, but more like a horrid chunk of meat.

Blood splattered the wall behind him, soaking his chained legs and the floor beneath him. Little rivers of his blood seeped into a little drain a few feet away from him, but most of it still pooled beneath him, evidence of the torture he'd been put through.

She fought back dry-heaving, trying to understand what they had done to him, what could have torn into his skin so viciously. It had to have been a whip. She hadn't seen a cat o'nine used before, but knew how spectacularly they cut into the skin. But to do that kind of damage, Steve had to have been given hundreds of lashes. A thousand lashes was considered a death sentence once upon a time -- had Sin attempted it with a super solider capable of quickly healing?

Sin poked at Steve's shoulder, eliciting a soft groan out of him. Maria's heart shattered. He was still awake. Oh, God. Steve.

"Good evening, Captain. You're looking better already, look at how many wounds have started to close."

She stepped closer to peer at him, manic eyes wide and grinning. Maria only stared at Steve in horror. If this was after the serum had started to heal him, what had he looked like _before_?

Sin rapped his cheek, trying to rouse him. "How are you feeling, Captain?"

Steve didn't answer.

"Ignoring me again, I see. After all I've done for you. I've brought you a present."

Steve still didn't move. With a sigh, Sin nudged his face up so he could take in the room.

His left eye was so bruised it was swollen shut. More blood dripped from deep gashes on his forehead into his eyes and beard, and his mouth bled from where he'd clearly bit into his lips in an effort to keep quiet. 

She caught the flash of surprise and regret when his eyes landed on her.

"Maria." 

The word could barely be heard, his voice was so hoarse. Sin smirked at the anguish in his eyes, and hauled Maria to her feet.

"Thought you'd be interested in seeing the Lieutenant again, Captain. You don't like my gift?"

"Why." He demanded quietly, not looking away from Maria. She kept her gaze on him, not saying a word that could be used against him. 

"Oh, we have our reasons. Agent Hill is very entertaining. But that's not why she's here now. Like I said, I thought you'd want to see her. But maybe I misread the situation."

With a yank, Sin jerked Maria up, then pulled her arm back, and pressed a gun to her temple. Maria went completely still, knowing damn well she was in no position to fight Sin off. Her fingers still itched to try, to at least slam her head into the damn redhead's, but she needed to know what the woman was playing at.

"Time to be more cooperative, Captain," Sin stated. Steve growled while Maria blinked. So he'd been giving them trouble. Good for Steve. She'd encourage it, if she didn't have a gun at her head and was so exhausted she could cry.

"And now it's time to tell the truth. Do you care for the Lieutenant, Cap?"

Well, that came out of nowhere. Maria held herself still, refusing to look at Steve too closely.

He didn't look at Maria, only frowned at Sin. "'Course not," he rasped in that hoarse, broken voice. 

"So you wouldn't care if I put a bullet in her? Oh. My mistake. I thought she meant more to you. Guess we don't really need her now," Sin said.

And pulled the trigger.

"NO," Steve bellowed, straining, and Jesus, he nearly succeeded in freeing his right arm. Maria watched, shaking a bit despite herself, because shit. The gun was empty.

And Steve had just confirmed Sin's suspicions. 

Her eyes were practically glowing as she let out a delighted laugh and threw Maria on the floor, stepping closer to Steve. "That's what I thought," she murmured, carding her hands into Steve's hair, leaning close to whisper in his ear. "You talk in your sleep, Captain." She dug her nails into his bloody shoulder, making him hiss. "Not a good thing if you're trying to keep who you care about to yourself."

Steve didn't reply, just glared stoically at Sin. 

"I'll give you a few minutes together, to show my goodwill. But if you head butt one more of my men into a coma again, Captain, Agent Hill will suffer the consequences. Do we understand each other?"

Steve jerked his head in a nod. Sin waved two fingers at them, and took the guards out.

There was a beat, then two. Then Maria started to rise, scrambling to her feet faster than she would have thought herself capable of. Before she knew it, she was across the room in front of him, cradling his head in her arms as gently as she could, careful not to touch him anywhere he wasn't bleeding.

It didn't leave a lot of options.

Still. She lowered her forehead to his, pressing their noses together.

"Hi," he rumbled, breathing her in.

"Hi," she managed to say back. She nearly broke then, nearly gave in to the trembling and sobbed. But that wouldn't help either of them, so she softly rubbed the back of his neck, the one place not harmed, and tried to blink back the tears.

"How long?" He asked quietly. He tried to clear his throat to speak more but she shushed him. There was no point in making him use his wrecked voice further when she understood he wanted to know how long she'd been in captivity.

"I'm not sure." Which was true. But no point in telling him she'd been here the whole time. 

"You ...okay?"

"Jesus, Steve," she choked, and now the tears did fall, she couldn't stop them, she couldn't hold them back. She kept her head on his, trying to push down the horror. "I'm fine. Are YOU okay?"

"Been better," he rasped.

Leaning forward, she pressed her lips to his ear. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm going to get us out of here." Then she dropped her voice. "Is there a camera in here?" she breathed.

"Two," he whispered back, into her hair. 

Damn. She needed to get the phone out of her pocket, signal for help. But she had to find a way to do it out of sight of the cameras. Where would they be? 

Most likely hidden in the ceilings or the corners. She'd just have to take the chance.

Twisting, so Steve's body blocked her arms, she pulled the phone out of her pocket. Doing so without jostling Steve or touching him was difficult, but she managed to get it within eyesight and quickly turned it on.

Passcode protected. Well, she knew how to get around that. She just needed to get one message out...

Quickly she broke into the phone, pulled up the GPS so she could relay their coordinates in her message. Ireland. They were in Ireland, she could work with that.

"Someone's coming," Steve stated and she hastily put the phone back in her pocket. At least she'd had the chance to figure out where they were.

The guard she stole the phone from stalked into the room. Oh, hell. Maria stepped away from Steve, trying to keep him out of it. The guard reached out, and attempted to snatch Maria by the arm.

She dodged, then threw out a jab and clocked him in the jaw.

Hissing, the guard grabbed his electric batons, attempted to strike her with them. She had just enough energy to avoid two strikes, but wasn't fast enough to miss the third.

Her body seized, then clenched up as she dropped to the ground. Ow. Ow, ow, ow. 

"Bitch," the guard spat, reaching down and snatching his phone back. "Do you have _any_ idea how much trouble I could have been in if Sin found out you snatched this?" He sent a vicious kick to Maria's ribs. She bit her lip to keep from grunting or giving him the satisfaction of knowing it hurt.

She'd had just about enough of being thrown around. Pushing herself to her feet, she tackled the guard, determined to get the phone back. They rolled, the guard sending another jolt through her with the baton. Maria struggled to hold on, to get the damn phone back and get out of this, when the baton struck her in the neck and she passed out.


	11. Chapter 11

They left her alone for days.

It was a good thing. She told herself that while sitting in her dark cell, trying not to let panic consume her and send her hyperventilating. Being left alone was a good thing. No one dragging her off for more brainwashing fun meant her body could heal, that she could work on getting them out of here.

Sleep was impossible, because the nightmares were unbearable, but when had she ever needed sleep? She'd had more than one mission when she had survived on little sleep, and she told herself this was no different. She could plot and she could plan. 

And when Steve's screams once again echoed into her cell she devised numerous, painful, ways for everyone in that building to die.

When the door opened, Maria paused in the yoga pose she was relentlessly holding in an attempt to get her muscles somehow back in working order. Were they giving her food or attempting to drug her again? Every so often they tried slipping her a cocktail laced with drugs to knock her out, but she'd had enough of that, thank you very much.

The hint of fresh bread filled her nostrils, her mouth watering despite herself. Food, then. That was good, but what was the fresh bread going to cost her?

Sin herself walked inside, holding the food tray. Oh, fantastic. Nothing good was coming out of this dinner. Maria turned her attention back to her yoga pose, in no hurry to discuss whatever Sin planned.

"You're starting to waste away, Lieutenant." Sin sat the tray down, then plopped into the tiny chair in the cell. "Why don't you eat a nice meal for once? My treat."

Maria rose from her pose, and stared down at the redhead. "I'm not hungry."

The grumbling of her stomach at the scent of fresh bread revealed the absolute lie that was, but Maria didn't back down. Instead she stretched her shoulders.

"Oh, don't be an ass, Maria. Eat the bread. It's not drugged."

"I'm not interested."

"Please, I could hear your stomach rumbling three floors away. Eat, before you piss me off. And I don't want to be pissed off, I want to celebrate."

Cold fingers crawled down Maria's spine. "Celebrate?"

What could the Red Skull's daughter be celebrating?

The grin Sinthea sent her was cruel. "Our research has paid off. We have a working suppressant. Cap's super powers are currently null and void."

Bile rose in the back of Maria's throat at the thought of Steve helpless, of Steve truly at their mercy. Bad enough that Sin had kept him chained and tortured him for weeks, but knowing he couldn't heal? She didn't want to think of it, didn't want to think of the numerous batches of blood Hydra's scientists were no doubt collecting. She was all too aware of the fear Steve had to be feeling, the worry he had to have over Sin getting the serum formula.

She'd let him down.

"You know, you already have him detained. Was a suppressant really necessary?" Maria tried to sound as nonchalant as she could, but the fear clawing through her made her voice higher than normal. The last few weeks had already been awful, Steve had already been put through hell. What would a suppressant do to him?

"That doesn't mean he's cooperated. You should see him when we try to draw his blood, that man is the definition of stubborn." She rolled her eyes. "Plus, if we can suppress the Captain's abilities we can get closer to copying them. Only a little more data is needed to replicate Dr. Erskine's serum. Then there will be more than one being with Steve's abilities." She stole Maria's bread, popped a piece into her mouth. "I'm looking forward to being able to heal quickly."

That wasn't going to happen. No matter what, Maria was not about to let this super solider wanna-be get that close to replicating the serum.

Sin continued to chew the bread, ignoring Maria's dark glares. "Imagine how quickly the world will fall to Hydra, with our own versions of Erskine's soldiers. With no Avengers to stop us." She grinned, wiping away crumbs from her hands. "My father would be so proud."

"That's never going to happen," Maria vowed. 

Sin cocked an eyebrow. "As if you're in any position to stop me. Come on, let me show you how unlikely it is you will stop that future from happening. Wanna see how strong Rogers looks now, Maria?"

And she just couldn't hold back the snort. Did they know who had they had captured? No matter what they did to him, Steve Rogers would never be weak. So Maria followed Sin out of her cell, and back down the narrow hall.

They went to the right this time, and into a larger room converted to be a lab. Maria supposed that was a good thing, it meant Steve was no longer being chained to a wall, but...nerves still skittered down her spine, keeping her on edge. Something wasn't right.

It didn't take long to figure it out. A large, dome-like bed stood off to the side of the room, reminding Maria of a super enforced tanning bed. What was that thing made it of, vibranium? It looked solid enough to be the mysterious metal. She stared at it for a few moments, trying to figure out what it was, when movement to her left had her turning.

"Good afternoon," a bald gentleman said, inclining his head at Sin. "Are you here to attend to the Captain?"

"I think it's time to collect more blood samples." Sin strolled over to the man, some sort of doctor, Maria guessed, and picked up a syringe. "We're so close."

"Yes," the doctor agreed, gently taking the syringe away. "He's been contained most of the morning, I think now would be an excellent time to wake him."

The doctor tapped a few buttons on the tablet next to him and the tanning bed hummed. Skin crawling, Maria watched the top lift off, and reveal Steve laying inside. Pressing her lips together in a tight line, Maria stepped forward and glanced down at him.

For the first time she could ever recall, he looked ill. She'd seen Steve in the hospital after Shield fell in DC, where not even his healing could quickly overcome the beating the Winter Soldier handed out. He'd looked exhausted then, and a little pale. 

It was nothing compared to how he looked now.

His pallor was so bad his skin was nearly gray. Beads of sweat pooled on his temple, and every so often he shivered, as if a high fever wracked through him. Dark circles lined his eyes, and when Sin reached out to poke his shoulder, the intense blaze that was always constant in his steady gaze was gone. Instead dull, glassy, eyes stared up at them, and a wheeze rattled out of his chest as Sin forced him to sit up.

"See? No more super solider, it's fantastic," Sin beamed. 

Maria ignored her and went to steady Steve when he wobbled while trying to stand. She'd been right, his skin was abnormally warm. A fever had to be coursing through him. When he shivered violently, Maria tightly held his arm, trying to keep him from falling over.

She didn't let the ache in her heart break her. Steve had been ill and underestimated his whole life before the serum, just because he wasn't at his best now didn't mean she needed to worry too much.

But when he stumbled a bit, looking entirely too woozy, the concern reared its head anyway. Resisting the urge to card her fingers through his hair or rest her palm on his cheek, she leaned a little closer, reassuringly squeezing his arm.

"Are you alright?" She whispered.

His answer was a nod and a grunt, followed by another shiver. Her back was instantly up; could he even understand her? She hated the thought of Steve drugged and confused and not aware of her presence.

But then he gripped her arm in return, resting his hand above hers. When his thumb began to trace slow, small circles on her wrist, just the way he had at the safe house, she exhaled slowly. Knowing Steve, he was downplaying his ability to think straight to throw Sin and the doctor off. 

Her relief was short-lived, however. Two more guards (one of them the man she stole the phone from) entered the room, and Sin pointed a gurney.

"Get him on the table, and sedate him." She picked up a scalpel and grinned at Maria. "We're about to do some experimenting."


	12. Chapter 12

The fools hadn't expected her to put up a fight. But damned if she was going to just stand there while they messed with Steve. 

While Sin and one of the guards maneuvered him to the gurney, Maria swung her fist at the guard standing closest to her. It was the man she'd stolen the phone from, and he was not happy about being struck. Ducking, he rammed his fist into her stomach, making her double-over with an "oof!" But that didn't keep her down long--she was up and pummeling the flat of her hand into his nose in moments. He yelped, trying to keep her from breaking his nose, and they went down in a tangle of limbs, rolling across the floor.

With an exasperated, "For FUCK'S sake!" Sin yanked Maria up and threw her at the other guard.

"Keep her subdued," Sin snapped. "Honestly, Gibbons. You're worthless lately," she said to the man on the floor. Gibbons swore, then moved to stand behind Maria, elbowing her harshly in the back.

She grunted but didn't care. The exchange had let her learn a useful detail. Gibbons, the idiot, still had his phone.

She'd be stealing it back before the day was over.

But for now she stopped struggling. Sin stood too close, she still wouldn't be able to take on the enhanced woman. 

When Sinthea tauntingly ran the scalpel down the side of Steve's face, Maria saw red. They hadn't bothered to tie him down with anything more than a few straps, and Steve didn't even flinch when Sin sliced his cheek with the scalpel.

Maria yanked against the arms holding her back, hissing at the redhead. God, she _hated_ this. She needed to end this and get them out of there. Seeing Steve tormented ripped at her, made parts of her heart she'd locked away long ago flicker. Why did he always have to be the one to suffer so much? The man had given all he had time and time again, couldn't he just catch a damn break once in a while? 

Sin caught the look on her face, and smirked. 

"Don't get upset yet, Lieutenant, I'm just getting started," Sin stated. "Doc, go ahead and start collecting samples. I'll---"

She was interrupted by another person stepping into the room. 

"We've got a problem," a brunette said.

"What?" Sin snapped.

The guard looked briefly at Maria, grimacing a little. "We need to move. The Witch has been spotted in Dublin."

Maria's chest swelled with hope. Scarlet Witch. If Wanda Maximoff was searching for Steve, she might be close enough to help. Maria wasn't sure how Wanda's powers had strengthened in the last few years, but it was possible she could find him if she just got close enough.

Which meant there was no way in hell Maria was letting them be moved.

Snarling, Sin stomped out of the room, leaving the guards and the doctor blinking after her. 

"I suppose I shall continue on," the doctor said, picking up a syringe. 

Yeah, no, that wasn't happening. Maria calculated the odds, decided that taking a stand now, with Sin gone, was her best shot.

Apparently, she wasn't the only one with that thought. As the doctor went to tie a band around Steve's arm as a tourniquet, Steve's hand shot out, and the needle was knocked to the floor.

"I don't think so," Steve stated, and there, that was the Captain's voice, in no-nonsense mode, ready to kick some ass. Ripping the straps holding him down off, Steve sat up.

She would have cheered, if that wouldn't have been distracting.

The doctor blinked. Maria moved before the guards could react, throwing her head back and colliding into the man holding her, cracking her skull against his nose. He grunted, then cursed. Maria whirled around and followed it up with a firm hit into his gut. Then she jabbed her fist to his throat.

He went down, but--well, shit. Gibbons aimed his gun at her. 

"Just give me an excuse," he smirked, aiming right between her eyes.

Right. Like that would stop her. Intending on relieving Gibbons of his gun, and then his phone, Maria tensed, preparing to pounce.

Steve crashed into him, sending them both to the ground. It was only startling for a moment--of _course_ Steve Rogers would just throw himself into the fight, wasn't he known for doing such things when he was a 90-pound asthmatic? The sight of it nearly brought a smile to her face. Once again his enemies had underestimated him, had forgotten the reason Steve had been chosen for the serum in the first place. It hadn't been because he was perfect, because he was strong or fast.

It had been because of his heart.

Her own heart swelling with pride, Maria quickly worked on subduing the doctor while Steve and Gibbons fought.

He was a wily thing, keeping his distance from Maria. She rushed him, smashing into his work tray, eyes going to all the blood samples on the counter. This place, Sin's little lab and torture rooms, had to be full of Steve's blood. The thought made her own turn cold. It would all need to be destroyed. 

She had just the perfect idea how.

"You can't destroy it all," the doctor told her calmly. As if he knew what she was thinking. "I have tubes all over this Compound. You'll never be able to destroy them all _and_ escape."

"I wouldn't be so sure," she informed him, launching herself over the gurney.

Three hits and the doctor was down. Maria whirled to Steve, who had somehow managed to get Gibbons in a choke hold, even though he still shook with a fever. Gibbons slumped, eyes finally closing and Steve dropped him, gasping.

"What now?" He asked as she rushed to him, checking him over. Still pale, and too shaky for her liking, but he would hold for now, she had no doubt of it. When he rubbed circles into her wrist, she pressed a quick kiss to his temple. Steve smiled softly, wincing.

Maria squeezed his hand and grabbed Gibbons phone.

"That tanning bed thing," she gestured to it as she broke back into the phone. "It was meant to withstand your strength?"

Steve nodded slowly. "They shoved me in it a time or two before giving me the suppressant. It'll withstand quite a lot."

"I hope so," she muttered. Then she turned her attention to the phone, and dialed in a number she'd memorized long ago.

"This is Assistant Director Hill, code Sierra 7 Tango 5 Alpha Romeo 4. I need a bogey at the following coordinates: 51.9511° N, 7.7253° W. I repeat, I need a bogey at 51.9511° N, 7.7253° W. Do not delay, that bogey is needed now. Extraction team required after bogey hits. Initiate Protocol Shieldstars and do it instantly. Hill out."

Steve gaped at her. "Maria. What did you--"

"No time to explain, Cap, get in the tanning bed."

"You just ordered a missile at us!"

"I ordered a missile at HYDRA, there is no one innocent in this building. I'm hoping this bed will keep us safe, but for god's sake _get in_ before we blow up, we've only got thirty seconds!"

She managed to shove Steve in, despite his slow movements and obvious pain. Climbing in after him, she slammed the lid closed and waited for the bogey to hit.

A wheeze and soft whimper had her sharply looking down at Steve. She'd tried not to lay directly on top of him, but it was hard not to in the tiny tanning bed thing.

"Steve? Are you alright?" She asked.

"Guard managed to stab me in the side," he admitted, panting a little. "It hurts. And I think it's bleeding pretty bad."

Oh, shit. _Shit_ -how had she missed it? "Just hang on a little longer, Steve. We can get out of here as soon as that bogey hits--no, no, don't close your eyes! Steve!" She yelled, as a shrieking whistle pieced her ears, and the world around them exploded.

 

 

 

He wouldn't wake.

The debris crashing into their safety spot didn't phase her, the horrendous sound of the roof and walls closing in on them didn't bother her a bit. She knew that all around them, the building would be shattering, ruthlessly destroyed by the missile she ordered, but that didn't mean much to her. The lack of light in their shelter might have been unnerving at other times, but right now she barely registered it. There was enough blue light to see Steve, to know he wasn't waking, to see that his breathing had slowed.

Nothing else mattered.

"Steve!" She shouted again, trying to get to his injury, to stop the bleeding. "Steve, please, _please_ , you can't give up when we're almost out of here. Come on Rogers, I know you are more stubborn than that!"

The eerie blue light made him look half dead already and dammit she would _not_ let that happen. She shook him repeatedly, trying to rouse him. Wiggling her arm underneath him, she gently tried to find his injury and-- there! Blood seeped onto her hand, and she did her best to cover the wound, praying she wasn't making things worse. When the noise around them began to dim, she only focused on Steve, on his breathing. Promises she had no idea how to keep tumbled from her mouth, while she did everything she could to keep him from slipping away, to keep him with her for just a little longer.

"We'll go to the ranch house," she vowed. "And maybe the beach. Surely no one would expect to see you lounging on the beach, Rogers, so that's where we'll go. Just you and me, and an endless supply of margaritas. I know you have a fondness did them even though they don't do anything for you. But you gotta stay with me, Cap. You've gotta wait, your team will be here soon, I know they will." He was still motionless and she dropped her forehead to his. Why wasn't it working, why wouldn't he wake? Please, please let him wake up. "Please, Steve. I know it's been a while since you've had to deal with not healing quickly like the rest of us. But you can do it. Stay with me. Please."

The lid of their sanctuary ripped off. Maria curled herself around Steve, prepared to take on anyone who meant harm to him.

Sam Wilson stared down at her.

"Assistant Director." He nodded, then blanched. "Oh, shit. I need a med team over here, stat!" He yelled over his shoulder. He helped Maria sit up, eyes focused on Steve. "Cap? Steve, can you hear me?"

"He's got a deep stab wound on his left flank," Maria said as help arrived. She showed them where, then got the hell out of their way so they could tend to Steve. "He's been given a suppressant. It's making him ill, he's got a fever, along with numerous other injuries. The serum's not going to heal him. And without it..." she trailed off, not wanting to go down that road.

"Is it gonna wear off?" Wilson asked. 

"I don't know. We need to get someone here who can help. Do you have a phone?"

"Sure." He handed it over, then went to help get Steve loaded onto a stretcher. Scooting around a piece of the roof, Maria called another number, crossing her fingers.

"If I don't have a good answer as to how you got this number in the next sixty seconds, a very intimidating woman named Melinda May is going to be given free reign to hunt whoever this is down," was the greeting she received. Huffing back a laugh, Maria set up a thank you to whoever was listening and answered.

"Phil, it's me."

"Maria." The shock was clear in Coulson's voice, though no one other than herself or Fury would have heard it. "It's been a while. To what do I owe the pleasure?" 

"I need Simmons."

"I'm sorry, Maria, I really am, but she's busy with another assignment--"

"Phil, it's Cap." She hated playing that card, felt all sorts of low for using his fanboy admiration for Captain America to get what she wanted.

But Steve's life could be on the line.

"What do you mean?" Coulson demanded.

"He's been given a suppressant, and he's seriously ill and injured. We don't know if the serum will kick in or not, or what will happen if it doesn't. We need Simmons, Phil."

To his credit, Coulson only asked one other question. "Where?"

 

 

She directed the emergency crew to take Steve to the base in DC. Fury would kill her, and Stark would flat out murder her if he knew Steve was back in the States, but Maria didn't care. Helen Cho was in DC, and Helen and Jenna Simmons could help Steve.

She'd deal with the consequences later.

While the teams loaded Steve on a Quinjet, Maria grabbed Sam Wilson's arm.

"There was an enhanced individual here-" she began, but Sam nodded.

"Yeah, crazy strong redheaded lady? We ran into her when we got here. Wanda's chasing after her."

"Good." If anyone could take down Sin, it was Wanda. "I need you do to something for me."

He narrowed his eyes. "You do?"

"I need you to stay here, and -"

"Uh uh." Sam cut her off, folded his arms. The Falcon armor didn't make him look any less intimidating as he studied her. "I go where Cap goes. We've seen what happens when I don't."

"You're the only one I can trust with this."

"Trust with what?"

"Steve's blood. They took dozens of samples, Sam. And other vials of the suppressant could still be around. If the wrong person gets ahold of them..."

"And no one else can make sure they're gone?"

"You want someone else to accidentally come across a drug that can render Steve helpless?"

He swore. "No, of course not. I'll do it."

Some of the tension in he shoulders loosened at his statement. At least there was one less thing to worry about. "Thanks," she told him, looking around at the debris surrounding them. "Hopefully there's not much left. I tried to destroy as much of this place as I could," she said. 

He glanced around. "I can see that. You don't hold back, Maria. There won't be much left to search."

"They hurt him," she replied. Then went to join Steve in the jet.


	13. Chapter 13

There was a crick in her neck. Groaning, Maria lifted her head off the mattress she'd face-planted onto, and rubbed at the muscles at the top of her shoulders. The clock on the wall showed she only slept for thirty minutes, which was...not helpful. But at least she slept a little. Closing her eyes, she continued to rub and soothe her agitated muscles. It did nothing to fix the crick, but at least it managed to distract her temporarily from the reason she had fallen asleep at such a terrible angle. 

She dropped her hand, and forced herself to take in the room. Steve lay in the bed in front of her, sleeping. He needed a ventilator to help him breath, something Maria's eyes couldn't stand looking at. The constant beep of the heart monitor did little to assure her he was fine and still breathing. His skin was still gray, the injuries on his face standing out harshly. He somehow seemed small in the hospital bed, as if the suppressant had stolen a little of his height as well as his strength.

Images from the night before flashed into her mind before she could banish them. Frozen stills of the Quinjet zooming over the Atlantic, the medical team panicking as Steve began to suddenly worsen without an explanation. Steve flat-lining as they arrived, Jemma Simmons leaping onto him and pounding compressions onto his chest before the defibrillator could be used imprinted into her brain. Helen zooming around, issuing orders. Blood everywhere; Steve's life just draining out of him.

She'd stood still and tall watching it all, never taking her eyes off Steve until Simmons and Cho wheeled him away to a room. Then Maria had fallen to a wastebasket and retched, and retched, and retched.

He was stable now. Helen had sworn it up and down before leaving to meet with Simmons. Everything she knew about Helen Cho, all the time they had spent together in the past indicated that Helen would never lie about a patient's status, never leave that patient if she wasn't absolutely sure they were stable.

Maria counted his heartbeats, kept her eyes on the slow, hitching breaths Steve took through the ventilator anyway.

"Assistant Director." Jemma Simmons stood in the doorway with a tray of food. Maria blinked at her--when had the agent snuck into the room? It seemed like that should have been something she registered instantly, she should have heard Simmons approaching before she even got inside. But couldn't find herself to care. Her eyes went back to Steve. His chest seemed to have such a hard time rising and falling--shouldn't someone be concerned about that? Every breath seemed like a struggle, like everything that made Steve _Steve_ was desperate to keep his body alive when every cell within him was determined to make him otherwise.

"Did you find a solution?" Maria asked.

Simmons sat the tray down. "We've had a minor breakthrough. Dr. Cho and myself are quite hopeful that we will have something to provide for Captain Rogers soon."

They had nothing, then. Maria returned her gaze back to Steve. The suppressant wasn't just holding back the serum, now. According to Helen's diagnosis, it was actively trying to destroy Steve's cells. Combined with his injuries and the fever plaguing him, his outlook didn't look good if a solution wasn't found.

She reached out, ran a hand through his hair. Could he feel it, and be able to recognize the comfort in some small part of him? Probably not. She wanted him to be in a deep sleep anyway, focused on getting better, not paying attention to was going on with the the world around him. She continued to softly card her fingers through his hair regardless.

"Assistant Director Hill. Ma'am. You need to eat," Simmons was saying, and belatedly Maria realized she had been talking for some time.

"I'm not hungry, Simmons."

"Then maybe a trip downstairs for a shower and a nap?" Simmons said brightly. "We have a room prepared for you, Director Fury told us--"

"I'm not leaving."

Simmons hesitated, then reached out to lay a hand on Maria's arm. "Maria. Has anyone seen to your injuries?"

"I'm not the one that matters right now." Maria reached out for Steve's hand, to softly trace circles on his wrist. Maybe he _could_ feel it, maybe he knew she was there, that he wasn't alone...

"You might not be the one that matters, but if you don't get those injuries tended to and get some real sleep you're going to pass out." Helen leaned against the doorframe and folded her arms. The doctor looked tired, her hair falling out of the sharp bun she usually held it back in, but her eyes were sharp. "I'll sit with him while you're gone. Go take care of yourself, Maria."

"I don't---"

"I will call Pepper," Helen threatened, and Maria recognized defeat. As much as she loved Potts, there was no way the CEO could come here. She couldn't know Steve was here or she'd be honor bound to tell someone because of the Accords and that wasn't a place she ever wanted Pepper to be in. 

And a small, pathetic part of herself didn't want Pepper to see the damage she'd done, to see the mess she'd caused. Pepper was one of the few people who still saw Maria as a person, as someone worth keeping around.

Maria didn't have the heart to fill her in on the truth.

"Come with me, and we'll get you all fixed up." Simmons smiled at her, and Maria rose from the chair.

"If anything changes..."

"I'll get you right away," Helen promised.

 

 

Phil waited for her when she woke.

The smile he sent her way was genuine, but she knew Coulson well enough to see the concern lining his eyes. The air left her lungs in a rush, and she grabbed the wall next to her, the world temporarily spinning. Oh, God. Oh, God she had just _left_ and now Phil was here to tell her Steve had died while she was gone, that no one had been there for him in the end...

"Maria, Maria, no! I just wanted to check on you, Cap is fine. Please take a breath. Can you hear me?"

"I'm fine." She pushed him away. Pushed the thoughts of Steve dead, lying still and never waking, away. Needing a minute, she pressed her hands to her eyes, trying to calm her racing heart. Then she dropped her hands, and sighed. "You worried me for a minute. What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you were chasing down another murder-bot."

"That was last year," Phil said. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine. Simmons tended to my wounds, Helen slipped me a sleeping aid and made me sleep, and Boggs gave me something to eat. I'm going to check on Steve."

"Maria." Coulson planted himself in front of her. "I was hoping we could talk."

"I'm not interested, Phil."

"Humor me."

"Goddammit. I'm--"

"It's protocol, Maria," Phil said lightly. "Would you rather speak to Simmons?"

"Of course not." She'd known this would happen, but she'd been hoping Steve would be okay before her debrief had to happen. "Let's get this over with."

She stomped into the nearest conference room, Phil hot on her heels. Regaining her composure enough to keep from throwing herself into the chair, she sat slowly, then folded her hands and lifted an eyebrow. "Ready when you are."

"Why don't you start with what happened once you arrived in London?"

She told him, in the blandest tone she had, what happened. Skipping over the events that happened in the safe house was against protocol, but screw it. That belonged to her and Steve. Even if...even if he...

No. She was not going there.

She wished she could skimp over the brainwashing attempts Sin put her through as well, but that she couldn't do. It was humiliating revealing to Coulson what they had done, how she had nearly broken, but Coulson was better than Fury or Simmons. She told him everything, of all the hours she sat in that chair. About her fear that they could have succeeded.

Their breakout was easier to focus on, to tell Coulson about. By the time she got to how a tanning bed of all things saved their lives, Coulson was smiling.

"I admit, I'm impressed with your ability to work with what you were given," he said.

The door to the conference room flew open. Simmons stuck her head in, looking far more exhausted than she had that morning. Dark circles lined her eyes, and her jumper was a rumpled mess, but she smiled while she locked eyes with Maria. "He's awake."

Maria jumped out of the chair and ran.

 

 

Helen stood in her way. She spoke softly to Steve, who stared up at her with hazy, unfocused eyes. While Helen helped him take a sip of water, Maria bit her lip, trying to convince herself that it was okay. But she'd never seen Steve so out of focus, not even when agonizing pain had been obvious in his eyes.

But his eyes _were_ open. And that was so much better than this morning.

Perching on the edge of the bed, Maria reached out, softly grasping his hand. It took a few moments, but Steve slowly turned his head to see her. He inhaled sharply, then a small smile appeared on his lips while he tried to squeeze her hand back.

"Hi," she whispered. Not caring about who else was in the room, she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his temple. He smiled drowsily again before his eyes fluttered shut and he breathed deep.

"It's good," Helen told her when Maria snapped a questioning glance her way. "He needs the natural sleep. He's okay, Maria."

"What did you do?"

"We figured out the components Hydra used for the suppressant and managed to make a counter dose to diminish it," Simmons said, stepping into the room. "We gave him the first dose this morning. The fact that he's already waking, and that he can now breathe on his own is a fantastically good sign."

Maria stroked Steve's hand. "How many doses will he need?"

"At least two more. We need to take it slowly, make sure we don't shock his system. Once he's had the third dose, the suppressant should be nullified and the serum should start kicking in again."

And then he could heal. Maria closed her eyes, tracing circles over Steve's wrist. He would heal and he would be fine.

Helen began explaining how long it would take Steve to get back to normal and what to expect.

Maria listened with half an ear, reaching out to cup Steve's cheek. He would be fine.

But she didn't move from her spot the rest of the day, just in case.

 

 

When Steve woke later, Maria was tapping away on a tablet. She froze when she saw his bright blue eyes blinking at her, and sat the tablet aside.

"Hey," she said, scooting closer to him. "How are you feeling?"

"Terrible," he admitted. Wincing slightly, he shifted so he could take Maria's hand. "What happened?"

"What's the last thing you remember?" She asked. His color looked much better, but she didn't like the way his eyes seemed so exhausted.

"Sin telling the doctor they were going to experiment. Things get a little fuzzy after that."

"Well. Luckily she left, and we took down her goons. One well aimed missile and lots of angst and medical procedures later, here we are."

His brows furrowed, a frown slipping across his features. "Missile?"

"I called for back up. A tanning be saved us and Wilson dug us out."

"Sam? Is he here?"

"He's doing some clean up work for me. And Wanda is hunting down Sin. They'll be here when they can," she promised. She inched closer to him, needing to feel the contact, wanting to breath him in. "Do you need anything? Ice? Water? Helen cleared me to give you jello, if you--"

"Maria." Slowly, he reached out, cupped a hand around her neck to draw her in. "I'm okay."

"Oh, God," she huffed out, dropping her head to his, pressing their foreheads together. "You weren't. Steve, you weren't, you were dying and I was so scared--" 

Admitting it out loud cost her. It was something she never would have done, before. But that was when she hadn't had Steve, when she was alone and making the hard decisions and never having anyone around long enough to sneak into her heart so completely. To be so utterly, wrenchingly vulnerable.

"I'm okay," Steve repeated. He tilted his head up, and Maria bent forward, delicately placing her lips on his. 

It was meant to be gentle, nothing more than another reassurance that he was still with her, but Steve whimpered and drew her in.

And something in her broke. 

Her hands lifted to cradle his face, tangle in his hair. He had been so close to death. What would the world have done without him, without its defender? What would _she_ have done? Even now she had to push the horrible thought away, while she covered Steve in kisses, trying to breathe him in as much as she could. The kiss turned from gentle to desperate, Maria needed to feel him, needed to feel his breath on her face, ached to crawl in the bed with him and just hold on. 

And never, ever, let go.

"I love you," she whispered, breaking away, trying to hold back the sobs threatening to burst out of her. She flushed. Oh, crap. She hadn't meant to actually say it out loud. But then again...

He'd nearly died and she hadn't told him.

"It doesn't matter if you don't feel it back," she said while he breathed deep and blinked up at her. His hair was mussed from where she'd tangled her hands in it, and if she hadn't fallen for him already, the sight of him disheveled and adorable and _alive_ would have done it then. "I just...I want you to know that there is one person in this world that loves you. Endlessly. _You_ , Steve, not Captain America, not the solider, not the Avenger. I love you. And please, please don't ever get so close to dying again."

He chucked, and gripped her hand in his, pulling her close again, nuzzling her neck, then pressing butterfly kisses up to her mouth.

"I love you too, Maria," he whispered against her lips. "And I'll do my best."

"That's all I ask," she laughed, then tenderly kissed him until Helen appeared to take his vitals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Such fluff <3 This would be such a sweet place to end it, and yet there is Unfinished Business to attend to.  
> More angst is approaching...


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for panic attacks this chapter. Please skip if that's a problem!

"Will you tell me what happened?"

Maria looked up from the report she was writing. Steve stared steadily at her from his hospital bed, his face lined with concern. Since Simmons administered his second dose of medicine, he had been able to leave the hospital bed a few times and taken a few tentative steps on his own. 

She'd been secretly thrilled that his first steps had been towards her. But not much later that concern had settled into his features, and she'd become incredibly interested in her transcripts.

Wilson had arrived, full of news that the Hydra base was clean and Maximoff still hunted Sin. Steve had been able to sit up and play cards with him for hours, even making it to the couch at one point.

Maria stayed at the table in the corner, focused on her reports. Even after Sam left and Steve slowly sank back into bed she stayed buried in them, trying to get Coulson all the information he needed. She couldn't join him on the bed. Now that she was no longer terrifyingly worried about Steve dying, the truth had risen up to smack her in he face, and she couldn't do a thing to make it go away.

She'd put him there. All of this, every horrible thing that had happened to him, was her fault.

So like the coward she was, she stayed away. She couldn't bring herself to leave the room, the memory of Steve pale and needing a ventilator too fresh. 

But she couldn't get too close.

"You know what happened, Steve." Her eyes flitted back down to her writing. It needed to be foolproof, she wouldn't let Coulson take it until it was.

"I don't know what happened to you, Maria." 

That was because she didn't want to talk about it. And she'd been distracted by the whole him-nearly-dying thing. Pressing her lips together in a thin line, Maria fought back the nausea swirling in her stomach and answered. "Hydra thought they could recruit me. They were wrong."

Why was there pity in his eyes? He'd been through worse than she had. And yet those fierce blue eyes seemed strained as he said, "I know you were there the whole time. I could hear...I could hear you..." his voice hitched, and he squeezed his eyes closed.

Her hand was twitching, _not_ trembling. She smacked the pen she held down, fought to control her heartbeat. "I could hear you too," she said quietly. "It wasn't...I couldn't--"

Blackness curled in at the edges of her eyes. Pushing it back, she tried to keep the dizziness away, but she could hear the echo of Steve's screams resounding in her ears. And then suddenly, the room switched, and she was back there. Back in that damn chair, with the words "Hail Hydra" being chanted over and over and over. Steve's screams pierced through them, and she was begging somebody, anybody, please help them, please get that awful fucking tape off her eyes...

"Maria!" Steve's voice snapped her back. He kicked at the covers, scrambling to get out of the bed. She rose on shaky legs and went to him, pushing him back down.

"I'm fine," she stated, pressing him into his pillows. "Just a bad memory, I'm--"

The bile rose up before she could control it. Paling, Maria rushed to the waste basket and dropped to her knees.

Nothing came up, which was a small mercy. But when was the last time she'd eaten? Surely she'd had something that day. But nothing came to mind, and well. That was probably a large part of the problem. She should probably correct that.

Rustling behind her; Steve was trying to get back up. That she wouldn't let happen, he needed to rest.

"It's okay," she said, rising up to prove it. The darkness threatened to roll back in but she gritted her teeth and fought against it, making her way to his bedside. The look he sent her was not exactly convinced. 

"Really. It's okay now." She tried for a small smile but couldn't do it. 

"Come here," he said quietly. He scooted to the other side of the bed, eyes softly watching her. A gentle tug of her hand had her tumbling into the bed with him. 

"Steve, I don't think I should be in here." She was too tall to be crammed in the little bed with him. But he was warm, and he was with her, and God. She really didn't want to be away from him.

"You're exactly where you need to be," he said, wrapping his arms around her. They shifted so they lay side by side, and she buried her face in Steve's neck, inhaling the familiar scent of him.

"I can't talk about it," she admitted, closing her eyes. The night terrors, when they returned, would be horrendous. "I can't think about it, I can't-"

"It's okay," he rubbed circles on her back, pressed a kiss into her hair. "I get it. And if it's easier...when you can talk about it, it doesn't have to be with me. As long as you talk to somebody."

"I filled in Coulson," she said, then blinked when he reared back, frowning at her.

"Agent Coulson? I thought...Maria isn't he dead?"

"Oh." Whoops. Wow, she really had let all her guards down, hadn't she? She was never this careless. Although honestly, he would find out eventually anyway. "About that. He _did_ die, but um. He isn't dead anymore."

Steve gave her a look. "You and Fury have some explaining to do."

"Sorry," she sighed.

He was quiet for a moment, then laughed. "You know what? There are far worse things than finding out someone you liked isn't dead. Don't worry about it."

What had she done to deserve him? Snuggling in, she wrapped her arms around him, tangled her legs with his. He continued to rub her back, and Maria let herself drift, not wanting to be anywhere without him again.

But there were still things she needed to tell him.

"Steve?"

"Hmmm?"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm really not mad. It's a good thing Agent Coulson is alive."

"No. I'm sorry I let you down." Her voice hitched on the last word, and she pressed her face closer into his neck, shame washing through her.

He tried leaning back, but she held him tight, refusing to let him. Facing him was something she couldn't do right now.

Instead, he brushed her hair back from her face, sounding puzzled. "When have you ever let me down?"

"I didn't get us out. I let you get hurt, let you nearly DIE because I couldn't keep you safe. Because I was so stupid and went after you in the first place. I took you to a Hydra base, for god's sake!"

"Maria."

She didn't let him interrupt. "Everything that's happened to you in the last month has been my fault and I'm so sorry." This time, her voice broke on the last word. The dam she'd been trying so hard to keep intact shattered, and everything that had had happened hit her all at once. 

"Maria." His voice was so soft while he carded fingers through her hair. "Please don't blame yourself."

She was weeping. The tears ran out of her eyes and onto Steve, who was murmuring her name, holding her gently as if she were precious to him.

"It's not your fault," he said firmly, and repeated it over and over. "You have nothing to apologize for. None of this, absolutely none of it, was your fault. Maria. You got us out. If it weren't for you, Sin probably would have killed me by now. You kept your promise. You got us out."

"You almost died."

"It takes more than that to take me out," he said. 

And she pulled back and snorted at that. How the hell did he manage to say such a thing without sounding arrogant? But somehow, he did, because it was Steve. He chuckled at her expression, making her sigh when he tilted his head down and kissed her gently.

"You got us out," he said again, quietly. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, Steve."

"Thank you," he said anyway. Then he quirked an eyebrow at her, running a hand over her cheek. "By the way, there's something I've been meaning to ask you about. Assistant Director, huh?"

She flushed, looking up slightly guiltily. "Right. It's been that way for a while, but since Shield is technically not Shield with the whole downfall thing, I didn't really tell anyone about it. And..." she trailed off, playing with the collar of his shirt. "I liked it when you called me Lieutenant," she admitted, feeling her face warm. Ugh, she had turned so sappy, but really. She didn't care.

His smile was brilliant. Leaning forward, his lips caressed hers, briefly touching them and drawing a whimper out of her before he pulled back a little. "I love you. Will you stay? Stay here with me and sleep. Please?"

She curled her hands into his chest, and tucked her knees in close to him. "Okay."

Soft fingers twined in her hair, rubbing her neck as she closed her eyes.

"I love you too," she said drowsily, then gave in to the exhaustion and slept.

 

 

 

The next day was filled with meetings.

Updates and strategies on how to handle Sin were first with a small team of agents and Sam Wilson. That was followed by an explanation and analysis panel with Helen and Simmons on what Hydra created with the suppressant and what to expect next. Thanks to Sam, there were no samples to test or work with, to the dismay of the researchers. Maria would have felt bad for them if she wasn't so insanely relieved. That damn suppressant would never hurt Steve again.

Another debrief with Coulson was followed by a session with the resident psychologist. That left her raw and emotional enough that when she made it to a conference room to figure out how they would keep Steve and Sam's arrival in the States secret, she snapped at two junior agents just for breathing.

The only part of the day she'd enjoyed was the brief granola bar she got for lunch. The granola bar was terrible, but Steve had given it to her, insisting she eat something. The fact that he had been able to walk down two floors to hand it to her brightened her crappy day. Just seeing him made things better, but seeing him up and walking around on his own made her eyes a little misty. He was nowhere near his normal healing or strength standards yet, but the third dose Simmons gave him was doing wonders.

Plus, she'd been able to see Coulson fangirl when Steve approached to shake his hand and say he was glad Coulson lived.

Watching Phil gape like a fish and stammer out a squeaky "Thanks!" nearly made all the debriefs worth it.

By the time she made it to Steve's new room (he was doing so well they let him out of Medical, thank GOD), she was ready to collapse.

Until she walked inside the room.

Steve stepped out of the bathroom, hair dripping wet, pushed back from his face. It made his blue eyes shine brightly, that mischievous light she loved in them finally back. His beard had been trimmed; she knew the length had driven him crazy, and she had to admit, he cleaned up nicely.

But it was the fact that he stood there in only a towel wrapped around his waist snugly, that made any thought she'd ever had just slide right out of her head.

"There you are," he smiled and stepped toward her, and wow, _wow_ why was it so warm in the room? 

"I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever get to see you tonight."

"Um," she said pathetically. There were beads of water on his chest. She couldn't take her eyes off them, she was being so rude, but there was nothing that could distract her and steal her attention.

Except maybe his toned stomach and the way it made a V-shape on the way down to hip bones that were just visible above the towel.

Oooooh boy, she was in trouble.

"Maria?"

"Hmmm?" She asked, squirming a little. There was an intense ache between her legs making standing still unbearable; every part of her body demanded she rush over and remove that towel.

It would be so fast and simple. She was already wet, she could tell her underwear had gone damp the moment she caught sight of him. All she would have to do was remove the towel and sink onto him, she was so ready he would slide right in, slipping into her and joining them with barely any effort...

And okay, she needed to leave now. He had _just_ gotten back from the brink of death, he didn't need her to be panting after him and unable to control herself. He needed more sleep, and time to heal. 

She would just...go somewhere else for a little bit. Clear her head. Take a freezing shower.

And not think about Captain America in _nothing but a towel_.

"You still with me?" Steve asked softly, and oh no, he was WALKING TOWARDS HER, she needed to go, it was time to be gone.

"Of course!" Was that high pitch squawk her? Dear God. She needed to be somewhere else, yesterday. "I um, just forgot that I had a...thing! I have a thing. I'll just...go do that."

She spun on her heel to go, and somehow stumbled and nearly fell over. Regrouping with what she thought was a graceful recovery, she strode to the door.

Only to smack right into that perfect chest.

He didn't have his full speed and strength back yet, how the hell did he suddenly get in front of her?!

But somehow there he was, and ohhhh no his arms were sliding around her, and she was too close now. There would be no getting away quickly, and his arms were so warm and his chest was right there and dammit all to hell he smelled good, she just wanted to bite him.

Which was a BAD IDEA the man needed to rest, what the hell was wrong with her?

"I can't do this!" She stated, pushing back and scooting away. "I can't. I should go."

Steve went completely still. "You can't...do what?"

"You!" She nearly shouted and then realized how it sounded and blushed so deeply she was certain her regular skin tone would never come back. "I mean...you need to rest, to sleep, and I'm suddenly _not_ sleepy, so I'm going to just leave for a bit okay?"

He tightened his arms, kept her from bolting. She gulped, taking three deep breaths. It didn't help, he was so intoxicating and she was enveloped in his arms, his scent was all around her and making her knees wobbly.

Leaning down, he kissed her. Softly at first, then with an intensity that made her head spin, made her cling to his arms to anchor herself. Emotions swarmed through when Steve whispered her name, and she pressed her lips to his just as passionately because she need this, needed him. She'd gotten so close to losing something she just barely had been allowed to cherish. 

A whimper escaped the back of her throat and that probably should have been embarrassing. But she was too caught up in being in Steve's arms, of feeling his teeth nip her lip and his tongue dancing with hers as he deepened the kiss, tracing his hands up and down her back, teasing her by pressing in close, pretty much igniting every inch of her. 

He was whole, and he was alive and he was still in that damn towel, but at the moment she couldn't remember why she should care.

They parted, gasping for air, and Maria nearly sank to the ground in a puddle of bliss.

Steve held her up, nuzzling his nose next to hers, their mouths only centimeters apart.

"I'll rest in a little bit," he told her.

Oh, right. He needed to sleep, he needed to rest, she needed to leave.

"You should rest now," she said gently, trying to untangle from him. Her skin rippled into goosebumps as she pulled away from his warmth. Clearly her body didn't like leaving him but she had to get moving.

"Hmm." Steve swept back in, gently nudging her head up with the tips of his fingers. "This sounds like a conversation we had not too long ago," he said, looking amused.

"That's completely different. I had a few bruises, you were pretty much dead-"

"Not dead," he tilted his head down toward hers, kept his mouth just out of reach of hers. "Feeling pretty good, actually."

"Steve."

"I know what I can and can't handle," he said, and she was about to tell him what she thought of him using her words against her when his lips slid back over hers, drawing a soft moan out of her.

"I need you," he told her quietly, placing his hands on her face, brushing her bangs from her eyes. "After everything that happened, I need you. Need to feel you, need to touch you. I'll be fine. Please let me love you."

"You-" her voice was hoarse, and she took a breath and tried again. Steve nosed her ear, and she pressed her eyes closed, shivers rushing through her.

"I need you too," she admitted. And there, her resolve just cracked, because since the moment he pulled himself out of the darkness and smiled at her again she knew she would do anything he wanted, anything at all, to keep him safe and happy as long as she was able. 

She loved him.

"If anything starts to hurt..." she began, but was interrupted by his hot mouth on hers.

"Deal." Steve's smile was brilliant. And full of pure male arrogance, but she could handle that. Because his eyes were twinkling, and the sight of it and his smile made him breath-taking. She was so damn grateful he was okay.

She twined her fingers through his and led him to the bed. "We go slow," she said firmly, and then shuddered at the intense look he gave her. "If you feel any pain or discomfort, you let me know."

"Deal," he said again, lightly kissing the side of her mouth. She guided him to the bed, carding her hair softly through his hair, giving him a soft kiss in return.

Then she reached for the towel.


	15. Chapter 15

She woke the next morning slowly, a tickle of awareness in the back of her mind. She was cocooned in blankets, a warm and deeply asleep Steve at her side.

Waking completely, she opened her eyes, watched him breathe. Tracing her fingers slowly over his cheek, she studied his long lashes and strong jaw, dipping her fingers into his hair and then lingering there. 

He'd fallen asleep so quickly last night. She'd watched the exhaustion overtake him rapidly; one moment he was cuddling next to her, heart still pounding wildly, the next he had heaved a sigh as if his very bones were weary and he tumbled into sleep.

She'd watched him as long as she could, her hand on her chest, feeling it rise and fall while his heart beat steadily. 

A shudder ran through him, and then blue eyes opened to lock into hers. "Morning," he murmured.

"Good morning." She moved forward to kiss him, his beard tickling her cheek. 

"What do you have going on today?" He asked her, nuzzling his face into her palm.

"More meetings." And for the first time ever, she wanted to say screw them all and stay exactly where she was.

"Is Simmons still trying to understand the suppressant?"

"Yes." The Brit was being particularly stubborn about it. "I'll handle it. The formula for that will never be recreated, no one is ever using it to harm you again. I'll handle it," she said again firmly, more to herself than anything.

"I trust you," he said simply. Then he lifted his head, eyes bright and blazing. "You know that, right? I trust you, no matter what."

"I- of course. Sure, Steve." Where had this sudden statement come from? "I trust you, too."

"Always." He pulled her close, angling their heads together, resting his forehead on hers. "I will always trust you."

"I--" she was interrupted by a knock on the door, and grumbled. She didn't have any meetings until 9.

"Just a minute!" She called, scrambling up to get dressed, pulling on an old Agents of Shield shirt.

"Maria." Steve reached for her hand. "I love you."

"I love you too, Steve. What--" The knock sounded again and Maria yanked on pants.

"What?!" She demanded, yanking the door open just enough so that she could see Coulson on the other side. "What, Phil?"

"You're needed in the main common room. Fury's here."

 

 

 

Coulson and Boggs escorted her down. Maria was sandwiched between the two agents, Steve trailing quietly behind them. She'd tried convincing him to go back to sleep, but he quickly got dressed, saying it would be nice to see Fury.

Boggs's eyes had nearly popped out of his head when the two of them stepped out of the room together. Maria pressed her lips into a thin line at the way he looked from her to Steve, obviously figuring out their relationship. It made her shoulder blades itch. She didn't care that Phil knew, nor Helen or Simmons. Hell, she wouldn't care if Fury knew how much Steve was to her. But the idea of Boggs knowing had her fingers tapping against the side of her leg as they got on the elevator.

They stepped out of the elevator into the main common room. It was tastefully decorated in gray and neutral tones, reminding her a little of the living quarters of the Avengers compound. Steve must have felt the same. When she looked back at him a pained expression crossed his face while studied the room.

Fury rose from the couch. "Maria. Steve. It's nice to see the two of you still alive."

Steve crossed the room to shake his hand and murmur a hello. Coulson and Boggs stood beside Maria; Coulson looking relaxed and like he didn't have a care in the world, Boggs looking like he was about to throw up.

But he'd only been in Fury's presence once. 

Maria folded her arms and sent the director a hard look. "What are you doing here, Nick?"

Steve lifted an eyebrow at her informal greeting. Behind her, Boggs made a choking noise, followed by a few sputtered squeaks.

Even Phil shifted a little.

So, it was a little unorthodox. She and Fury had been through too much together to be concerned about proprieties.

"Just stopping in to make sure you and Rogers are alright," he said easily.

Her eyes narrowed. "You sent Coulson to do that. You know you shouldn't be here."

It only took him three steps to cross the room, and stand in front of her with a glare of his own. "You know I'm fond of you, Maria, but don't be getting the impression you have the stature to tell me what I should or should not do."

The temperature in the room dropped ten degrees.

Coulson coughed lightly. "Maybe we should sit down."

"No." Maria turned, moving around Boggs, striding to the door. "Nick shouldn't be here, and if he's too stubborn to admit it, then I should be the one to go. Good seeing you, sir."

"Agent Hill, get your ass back here before I plant a boot on it." Fury snapped. 

She whirled back around. "Don't you dare-"

"No, don't _you_ dare," he interrupted. She could feel the rage rolling off him, and Boggs took a few step back, closer to Maria. She didn't really blame him.

"We've been through a lot of shit over the years," Fury said, jabbing a finger at her. "This is nothing different. You think I'm gonna just let you go through this alone?"

"Yes!" She shouted, forgetting about keeping her cool. "Yes, sir, you absolutely should!"

His eyebrow lifted. "The day I let a buncha Hydra goons run me off..."

"They brainwashed me to KILL you, Nick!" 

"And you think I'm going to let such a mundane detail get in my way?"

They stood glaring at each other, Maria's heart pounding in her ears. Everyone else in the room seemed to vanish while Maria stared at Fury, recalling all the things Sin had suggested she do while Maria had been in her captivity. Didn't he know it made her want to stomach churn just thinking about it?

"They had me and Steve for almost three months." And she'd foolishly thought it'd only been a few weeks. "You're lucky I didn't get triggered the moment Phil said you were here," she said quietly. "They want you dead, Nick."

"Hydra's wanted me dead many times before," he said evenly. Boggs took another step toward Maria, keeping the two of them far out of reach from Fury's anger. "As I recall, you refused to leave my side the one time they got close to managing it."

"This is different," she said, a small plea in her voice. She didn't want to think on the things that happened, what Sin had wanted her to do.

"I know." His voice was grim as he leveled his eye at her. "Which is why I'm here. Coulson said you're worried the brainwashing might have took. I've got a few ideas on how to ensure it doesn't."

"You shouldn't be here," she insisted.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Like I said, I've got an idea on how to fix this. But I've promised not to let anyone else be involved, which means I need to be more heavily involved than you'd like."

"What does that mean?" Steve asked, speaking for the first time. 

Fury sighed. "It means, I'm here to collect Agent Hill and take her elsewhere. For an indeterminate amount of time."

The floor dropped out from under her. Her eyes snapped to Steve, who just stared calmly back.

No. Dammit, no. She'd just gotten him back and while she knew there was never going to be normal life for them, she hadn't expected being forced apart this quickly!

"I'll go with you," Steve said. 

Fury sighed. "I promised, of all people, I'd keep _you_ far away, Cap. You have to stay behind on this one." He glanced back at Maria, regret etched across his face. "You've got ten minutes for goodbyes," he said. The air left her chest in a sunken rush. "And then--"

The lights went out.

She barely gave herself time to process the total and absolute dark before she snapped out, "Get the back up lights up!"

Nothing happened. Maria's heart pounded, Boggs should be issuing the order, and the generator should have clicked on the emergency lights. They shouldn't be standing in complete darkness.

And she knew.

They'd been infiltrated. _Again_.

She needed to be out of there. Or grab something to knock herself unconscious, there was no way in hell she was going to let---

Fury snapped out orders, Steve called her name. Coulson hit the ground with a muffled gasp, and then Boggs's voice was in her ear.

"Take a deep breath, Assistant Director. Calm your mind."

Oh, Jesus. She threw her head back, trying to smash him in the mouth and silence him, but he dodged her and kept talking.

"You know what is best. What is best is you comply."

No, no, no, no, no. Why the hell didn't she have a gun, she could shoot the bastard! She spun out of his grip, hands over her ears. She needed to leave or find something to bash her head into NOW. Somewhere Steve was shouting, but even he couldn't see in the dark. He and Fury were on the their side of the room, yelling at someone she didn't know. There was a shout, then a bang, and Maria's skin chilled.

Steve wasn't back to normal, he needed to be away, she needed to be _gone_...

"Compliance will be rewarded."

Fuck it, the wall would work. Maria rushed toward it in the dark, rearing forward, preparing to smash her head into it and not giving a damn about the injury it would cause.

"Are you ready to comply?"

The emergency lights clicked on.

A body sprawled on the floor on the other side of the room. Fury and Rogers stood over him, trying to catch their breath, looking haggard in the eerie light. Not far from her, Coulson's face smashed into the carpet. Someone had doused him with a drug to render him unconscious.

Boggs stood next to her, breathing heavily. Had he been the one to drug Coulson? Perhaps. 

The light flickered while Boggs stepped forward, peering at her closely.

From across the room, a voice asked, "Maria?"

She didn't move.

The smile that crept over Boggs's face was slow. Something inside her twitched at that smile, but she remained motionless, waiting.

"Kill Fury and Rogers, then get me out of here," he demanded.

And shoved a gun into her hand. 

"Ah, hell," Fury uttered.

She whirled, firing at the director. Cursing, Fury leapt behind the sofa, barely missing a bullet in the ankle. Who would have guessed he could move so quickly? 

He popped back up with a gun of his own.

"Sorry, Hill," he grunted, then pulled the trigger. 

Rolling quickly out of the way, she moved behind the countertop, crouching down.

"Boggs, you traitorous son of a bitch," Fury swore. "Hydra? Really?"

"They gave me an offer I couldn't refuse," Boggs stated, sliding over to hide behind her. 

"Maria." Rogers was speaking now. Calm, steady, Captain America. How calm would that voice be when she sliced him open, as Sin had ordered her to do?

"Steve, don't," Fury muttered. "Stay back. You think this will be easy on her later if you get hurt?"

"I'm not abandoning her." So certain, the Captain. The delusion that he would survive the night was laughable.

She looked at Boggs, who gestured to the gun. "Kill them. We need to go."

Rogers moved toward the counter, hands held up. Did he think she was a wounded animal? 

_Arms up, gun steady, aim between the eyes._ A lesson learned long ago in an academy, but Sin's voice floated through her mind now. Even if he wasn't up to his usual standards, Rogers would be hard to take out.

The bullet didn't hit him between the eyes, but instead struck the wall behind him as he ducked in time. Dammit. Hearing Fury shift behind her, she fired again, grazing his cheek. Another missed shot? How the _hell_ had that happened? 

Her gun hand twitched. Which, no. That wasn't possible. There was no way...

She picked up a vase and hurled it, finally getting lucky. The vase collided with the side of his head, and while it didn't knock him out, shards and dust exploded into his eyes. Certain he would remain distracted for now, she moved to Fury.

Someone had stayed in his hiding spot. Likely to try and draw her out. If it had been anyone else she would have risked it, but she knew Fury's thought process. If he lured her in, he could knock her out, take her out of the equation. Boggs would be alone.

Her orders were to get him out. So that's what she'd do.

"Maria." The captain was speaking again, while trying to wipe the dust out of his eyes. Some small part of her twitched at his voice, the urge to go over to him overwhelming her for a moment. She squashed it down.

"Maria, please. You can fight this," the captain continued. 

She had no desire to do so. 

"Kill Fury. I'll distract him." And Boggs popped up from behind the counter, shooting at Rogers. The Captain cursed, ducking for cover.

Keeping quiet, she inched away from the counter, going to the left.

"Agent Hill, you're going to be very pissed off when you snap out of this to discover you've been doing Norman Boggs's bidding," Fury said when the gunfire paused. Where the captain hid, she couldn't tell. But he was out of Boggs's range for now.

"Why don't you come closer and we'll try a little cognitive re-calibration?" Fury continued.

And let him knock her out? Hadn't he trained her? A newbie would know better than that. Still creeping around, she kept to the shadows so they would still think she was behind the counter with Boggs.

"Hill?" Fury huffed, sighing when she didn't answer. "Dammit, Maria." 

They kept using that name. They should have realized by now that it was a dead end, that putting their hope on that person was worthless. She was ordered to kill them. 

And she would comply.

She'd finally made it around to where she could see Fury's back. Standing slowly in the shadows, she lifted her gun and aimed.

"NICK!" Rogers bellowed. Fury whirled, and her gun went off.

His fired a nanosecond after.

The bullet hit him in the chest. Flinching back, Fury aimed to fire again, but she advanced on him, ignoring the singing pain in her arm. It wasn't relevant to the mission, it would not be acknowledged. 

Collapsing to his knees, Fury aimed again, but she shot him in the shoulder before he could fire. The director let loose a cry of pain, and the captain swore, trying to rush over, but Boggs fired again and he had to duck away.

She walked up to the fallen director and put the gun to his temple.

Was that regret in his good eye? He wasn't supposed to have emotions. Was well known for it. Perhaps it was shame for being so easily defeated. And yet, an even bigger question ran through her head.

Why wasn't she pulling the trigger?

Fury smacked his hand against the gun, knocking it away. She cursed, then decked him in the face. Letting loose several swear words of his own, the director jerked an elbow up, then plowed his fist into her stomach.

If she cared about the pain, that one would have hurt. Since it didn't, she was able to refrain from doubling over. Her arm lashed out, punching into his wounded shoulder.

"Sonofa-" he cried, and she landed another blow in the same spot, drawing a yelp of pain out of him.

Then he kicked his right leg out faster than she would have thought him capable of, and knocked her on her ass. She supposed there was a reason he'd been made the Director of Shield all those years ago, and it wasn't from sitting at a desk.

But she had a mission. He was emotionally compromised. She felt nothing.

And he was wounded.

She used that to her advantage when Fury lunged for her gun, digging into his shoulder. Latching herself onto him they rolled, and her head harshly smacked into the glass coffee table. It stunned her for a moment, long enough for the director's fingers to grasp the gun.

"Nice try," she snarled, and yanked his hand back, throwing herself forward.

Once the gun was in her hand it was easy to turn around and stand, and aim it right where it needed to be to cause the worst damage.

This time there was no hesitation as she shot him directly in the heart.

A long, horrified scream tore through her head.

No. _No_. That woman didn't exist. She looked at Fury with cold eyes. Part of her mission was accomplished. One left.

"Oh, God."

The captain was behind her. He stared down at Fury in horror, while Boggs laughed in the corner.

"Maria." Rogers exhaled slowly, drawing his eyes away from Fury and up to hers. "We need to get him medical attention, you'll want him to liv-"

She brought the gun toward him, aiming at his chest. And _dammit_ , that voice in her head roared, promising vengeance. Trying to lower her arm away from the captain. For a brief moment, there was a struggle for control, which shouldn't be HAPPENING.

Then the urge vanished. A ghost would not control her. She sent a hard stare at Rogers, who took a shaky breath but didn't budge.

"Maria. Please. Please put the gun down," he begged. She adjusted her aim, moved it to his head.

Another frustrated snarl, a hysterical half-scream ripped through her mind. The gun lowered half an inch.

"I'm sorry they're making you do this," Rogers said softly. Another half inch. "But I'm not leaving you."

He'd been in this situation before. Not with her, but with a long lost friend that he loved very much. 

He'd been beaten half to death because he refused to use his full strength on that old friend.

The gun snapped into place. Of course. He wouldn't hurt his "Maria." The great Captain America. He'd be taken down because he was a weak man who loved.

A struggle for control again, but who was stronger now? The presence---and she _knew_ it was somehow Maria--- was well aware of the captain's weaknesses; knew Rogers was not at full strength and would be unable to hold her off. And the emotions made it weak.

The grin that crossed her face was sharp. There would be no losing this mission. Rogers would die.

Except the grin must have tipped him off. His arm was a blur, knocking the gun out of her hand before she realized it. Even without his super speed he was fast. Hissing, she shook her hand, glaring at him.

And yet...was that concern in his eyes? Why did he care that her fist stung?

"I don't suppose I can convince you to sit down and talk?" Rogers tried.

"No." The answer was flat, and she struck before he could speak again. 

Up, over and around. Rogers was so tall and muscled it was easy to climb him, fling her legs around his neck so she sat on his shoulders. So sturdy, so reliable. Wouldn't Sin be pleased at her for destroying him?

Fast as a snake, she hooked a foot under his armpit and flung herself forward. Using the momentum to roll out of the way, she flipped Rogers over so he fell face first into the glass coffee table.

Terrified obscenities ran through her mind while the captain groaned, concern she didn't care about, and didn't want to hear. 

And yet they spilled out of her mouth, as if she wanted to say them, bubbling up in word vomit she couldn't control.

"Jesus, Steve, Jesus, I"m sorry, please end this, take me out before I really hurt you, PLEASE-"

_No_. Snapping her mouth shut, she ended the babble, cutting off the person saying them.

Steve flew off the coffee table, turning to watch her with wide eyes.

"Maria," he breathed, the name leaving his lips like a prayer answered. And oh, fantastic, now the captain had _hope_ , and that would be incredibly annoying.

"Take a deep breath," Boggs ordered from the corner.

Compliance. Obedience. Her eyes singled out a shard stuck in the captain's shoulder, and she whirled in a round house kick, planting her foot on the shard at the end of the kick and shoving it into his arm.

He went boneless, dropping to his knees.

The presence in her mind somehow _tugged_ , making her stumble and take a step back. How the hell was she DOING that? She should be dead, gone forever to make room for the mission. Not using words and forcing her backward, dammit.

She was unable to stride forward and slice glass across the captain's throat like she wanted. It shouldn't have been possible, it was inherently _wrong_. She needed to follow her orders.

Smug satisfaction rolled through her mind. She gritted her teeth, trying to kick the presence out, to kill it off.

"You need to comply!" Boggs shouted frantically from behind the counter.

Compliance would be rewarded. She snapped to attention, finally able to push forward. 

Her fist lashed out, and he managed to raise his forearm in a block in time, then twisted her arm until she twirled and her back pressed against him. Capturing her in a bear hug, he tightened his arms around her.

"I'm not giving up on you," he said, though his voice was strained from trying to keep her in place. He had to know she would get free. The glass in his shoulder was bleeding profusely, his movements sluggish. And he'd clearly been holding back, unable to hurt her. Did this Maria even deserve his loyalty?

"I know you're still in there." The man was still talking, calmly, though he sounded like a breeze would knock him over. Didn't he realize his commitment was wasted?

Her elbow plowed into his stomach. Though there was a grunt of pain, he didn't let go. "I'm not going to hurt you," he said, straining to keep her locked against him as she stomped on his foot and clawed at his arm.

Well, fine. She'd used the oldest technique in the book. Her hips twisted to the right, getting her legs out of the way, and her left fist punched down and back, balling directly into his groin.

The wheeze in her ear was winded, and the arms holding her slackened just enough for her to bite and get free.

She bolted to Coulson. Knowing he never traveled unarmed, she clambered over him, nostrils flaring when she found a holster on his hip.

Then she leapt up, aiming once again.

The tug on her brain was back, trying to keep her from advancing on Rogers with the gun. Why wouldn't this woman die?

Rogers was breathing heavily, leaning against the wall for support. Blood dripped down his shoulder, soaking his shirt. The pain etched on his face made that presence inside her cry, had it once again desperately try to make her walk away.

"Maria," he gasped. Standing up straight, he looked her dead in the eyes. The intense blue stare made her falter a little, blinking at him.

"Steve, ohgod ohgod, I'm sorry. _Run!_ " How were the words coming out? How was this woman possibly getting around her?

"This isn't your fault," he said forcefully. "You can beat this, Maria."

"I CAN'T! Please, go-"

Snarls ripped out of her while she fought for control back. Every time she thought she got the upper hand, Maria fought back with a vengeance, and she was getting damn tired of it. She needed to pull the trigger, that was all, her mission would be complete if she did. Goddammit, why couldn't she do it?

"Maria?" He stepped cautiously toward her, not breaking eye contact. "You've got this. Kick them out." The captain took another step. Blood was everywhere, she wasn't sure how he was standing but somehow the stubborn Rogers was able to make his way toward her. "You're doing it, baby. Keep fighting. Don't let them win. You're the strongest person I know. I believe in you."

He kept walking, getting closer, and the voice in her mind screamed _"No, Steve!"_

But it wasn't said out loud. And wasn't that interesting, that in her terror Maria lost a little of her power?

Clenching her free fist, she took three deep breaths, clearing her mind. If she could clear her mind, Maria would leave, and she would be able to win.

She knew what was best. What was best was that she complied.

Rogers was in front of her now, reaching out a shaking hand. "It's going to be okay."

Nudging the gun down, his hand came back up to gently cup her face, his thumb running lovingly along her cheekbone. "I'm here with you. I won't leave you to do this alone."

The dagger she'd stolen from Coulson sliced through him like butter.

His eyes went wide as she drove the knife into his stomach, his mouth falling open. A shocked gasp of pain ripped out of his throat and he went white, shuddering. 

A white haze flooded her vision. She just...she just...

The feelings were slammed back, shoved down. Blood trickled out of the captain's lips as she twisted the knife, drawing a full out moan of agony from him.

Inside her head was endless screaming.

Throughout it all, he'd kept his hand on her cheek. Even when he slumped, gasping, he held her close, keeping those bright blue eyes glued to hers. 

"Not you," he whispered. She barely heard it as part of her wept hysterically, sobbing his name. "Not your...fault."

She wrenched the knife out, and he collapsed to the floor. And still, he didn't take his eyes off her, though the intensity in them was fading and a dull glaze began to film over them.

"Love...you." The words were so quiet, so hard to hear, especially over the horrified screams reverberating through her head. Would it would ever stop?

Doubtful. Even through the horrified sobbing she could hear the promise of revenge in her own mind. The captain's death would be avenged, even if it only meant shattering the mind of the woman who did it.

And yet. He still wasn't actually dead.

She crouched down over him, debating whether to slice his throat or not. It would be faster than letting him die of the stomach wound. Maybe the presence in her head be mollified by that.

She picked up the captain up by the hair, exposing his throat. He didn't struggle.

"Not you." He mumbled. "R-'member that. Not you."

She placed the knife on his neck, prepared to slice.

Red light flashed and exploded into her mind in a red-hot sweep of agony.

Then darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. *hides*
> 
> *runs back* I am an HEA kinda person. Just in case anyone is panicking too terribly. 
> 
> Please leave a comment and tell me what you think!


	16. Chapter 16

She woke with a scream, the remains of a horrific nightmare in which she could not wake, could not control. A dream in which she...in which she...

Oh, God. Ohgodohgodohgodohgod.

Bolting upright, she prayed with everything she had that it had just been a night terror. That it hadn't happened, she hadn't shot Fury, hadn't stabbed Steve, hadn't...oh, God, oh, Jesus. Hadn't...

But the room she was in was unfamiliar. Horror rolled out of Maria in a keening scream, as she took in the room, trying to process that it might have all been real.

Please, please, please. Let it not have been real.

The room was small. A tiny bed, meant for only one person. A colorful rug, covered the majority of the floor, and a two-seater sofa sat on the far wall, a little table in front of it. The bed was propped against one wall, a bookcase against the third.

The fourth wall was reinforced glass.

And on the other side...somehow, on the other side...

"Been wondering if you were ever gonna wake up."

"Nick." The word was a sob as she jumped up, moved to the glass. "You're not dead. You're not dead."

"No, Maria, I am not dead." His arm was in a sling, and he held a cane. "Not that you didn't give it a damn good try."

"I'm sorry," the words rushed out as she slumped to the floor, shaking. "Nick, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"Not as sorry as I am," he interrupted. "I should have known Boggs was a traitorous piece of filth. Never should have let him near you, or Steve. For that, you have my sincerest apologies, Hill."

"Steve." She crumpled at that, curling in on herself as much as she could. He hadn't fought back, hadn't tried to hurt her. Even though he should have, dammit he _should_ have. If he had, he wouldn't be...he wouldn't be...

"He's alive, Maria."

"He--what?" Did he say that, did he really say that? Or was she projecting, her brain trying to send her one last hopeful image before shattering completely?

Fury crouched down so he was eye-level, and tilted his head. "I said, Rogers is alive."

"How?" she breathed. She'd seen him fade, watched his eyes gloss over. 

"What do you remember?"

She dragged horror-stricken eyes up to meet Fury's calm one. "I stabbed him. I stabbed him, Nick, and was about to slice his throat---"

Bile rose up, vomit tasting at tip of her tongue. 

"Sam Wilson and Ms. Maximoff joined the fight before you damaged Cap's throat. Scarlet Witch was fortunately traveling with Vision. He can teleport now, did you know that? Damndest thing. He took Rogers to Wakanda. Kept him from dying."

"He's alive? You're sure?"

"Would I lie to you?"

The laugh bubbled out of her, a snort through the tears, some of the terrible tension in her shoulders lessening. "Yes, sir. Absolutely."

"Oh, back to Sir, am I?" Fury snorted, then settled down on his side of the glass, leaning comfortably against it. "I'm getting too old for this shit, Hill."

"I have a gunshot wound that would indicate otherwise, sir."

He barked out a laugh. "Yeah, well. Sorry about that. I had them clean you all up."

"No, _I'm_ sorry, God. I could have killed you."

"If--and this is a very big IF, thank you very much--you had managed to take me down, it would have been on Hydra, Maria. Not you. None of this was your fault."

"I shoved a blade into Steve's stomach and twisted in exactly the right way. I have the _muscle memory_ of doing that."

"Yes, well I didn't say the situation didn't suck ass," he muttered, and to her her surprise, it drew another laugh out of her. "But it's still not your fault."

Her forehead rested against her side of the glass. "What do I do now?"

"Well. I have a few ideas. It will take me a day or two to get it prepared. In the meantime, you have a visitor, if you're ready to see someone. Not Steve," he said, as if he could see the way hope burned through her. "He's still in Wakanda. But if you could do me a giant favor and agree to visitors, I would consider it a personal favor. I'm getting sincerely sick and tired of the lectures."

"Lectures?" Who would be brazen enough to lecture Fury?

Heels clicking on the floor seconds later provided the answer. And right after that, Pepper Potts strode into the room, carrying a briefcase and wearing a sharp black suit. 

Fury pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ms. Potts, I thought we agreed that you would wait outside until Maria agreed to see you."

"I agreed to no such thing. You strode out before you could hear my opinion."

"That's because I knew it was gonna be a conflicting opinion," he muttered, standing up.

Pepper moved to the glass door, looked at Fury expectantly. 

"Now, I _know_ we discussed the insanity of letting you actually in the room with Maria, Pepper, and I am not risking Stark's anger by doing it anyway. Those repulsor beams hurt like hell."

"Neither you nor Tony have the capacity to tell me what to do," Pepper said serenely. "Open the door."

"No, Pepper, he's right," Maria started, but Potts turned to her and silenced her with one perfectly arched eyebrow.

Christ, she'd forgotten how scary CEO Pepper could be.

"Let me in, Nick. I have my watch, and Maria isn't going to be triggered by anything while FRIDAY's around."

"Fine," Fury huffed. "But if Stark blasts my ass you owe me another facility ."

"Deal," Pepper said. "Now stand aside, and open the door."

And Fury, unbelievably, did.

 

"You really shouldn't be here," Maria said when Pepper walked in, and sat her briefcase on the one small table.

"Don't insult me, Maria." A tablet was pulled out of the briefcase, and then propped onto the coffee table, situated so the screen was easily standing up on its own.

"You do know I've been brainwashed by Hydra to kill people, right?"

Pepper slipped off her heels, curled into the couch. "Us ladies stick together," she said simply.

For a moment, Maria couldn't breathe. Potts was trusting her, just like that. Even though she knew what Maria had done.

"Pepper. This isn't like you being stalked by a madman, I could kill you."

"The odds of that occurring with my surveillance in the vicinity are less than 4%, Assistant Director," FRIDAY said from Pepper's watch. "Ms. Potts will not be harmed during her visit. And she won't leave until you've spoken. Might as well relax and get comfortable."

"FRIDAY knows me well," Pepper said smugly. 

Maria walked slowly to the sofa, sat down next to Pepper. "I can't talk about it," she said quietly.

Pepper, who she should have known would have experience with this, only nodded.

"All right, then. Fry, turn on our baking show, please?" She tucked her feet under her, turning to Maria. "Who do you think will win this time? The university student or the woman who learned everything from her grandmother?"

"The second one." Maria sank into the couch, then leaned her head on Pepper's shoulder. "Definitely."

Pepper laughed and asked FRIDAY to the volume.

For the first time since she'd met Sin, Maria relaxed. She was safe. FRIDAY wouldn't let her hurt Pepper, and the glass would keep her away from Fury.

And Steve was alive.

Pepper reached over and squeezed her hand. Filling her eyes burn, she squeezed back, the bakers on the screen becoming quite blurry. She shouldn't have let Pepper near her, even with the watch and FRIDAY, but a small, selfish part of her was so glad she was there. The CEO relaxed into the couch as if she didn't have a care in the world, when Maria knew from experience she probably had thousand emails to respond to and calls to make.

Yet she stayed, and didn't ask questions, didn't expect anything from Maria other than companionship.

The tears, when they came, slid down Maria's face quietly. Pepper shifted, wrapping her arm around her friend, and they stayed that way for a long, long time.

 

 

Her next visitor was not expected. At all. It was so unexpected that Maria just gaped at Tony Stark on the other side of the glass, while he tilted his head at her and lifted an eyebrow.

"I gotta say, Hill, the cooped-up look doesn't look good on you." He walked to the door, bypassing the locks without so much as glancing at them, and strolled in before she could even think of warning him away.

"I was sorry to hear about the whole brainwashing, thing," he continued as the door sealed shut behind him, tapping his fingers on his thigh. "Thanks for not killing Pep last night, by the way. We've actually started planning the wedding, and it would be rather awkward if the bride wasn't there. She says hi. She wanted to be here today, but got stuck in a last minute meeting, and since she's the boss and I'm just the pretty face, I got the pleasure of coming down."

He hadn't stopped moving the entire time, strolling through her room, dragging his fingers over the bookcase, twiddling his thumbs.

"Why are you here, Stark?" She asked softly. Not that she didn't mind the company, and they'd always been on good terms, but he had to have better things to do.

"What, no excitement at seeing your old boss? Although, technically I guess I was never your boss, was I? You were always Fury's. This has knocked him back some, just so you know. He's been extra growly since you got kidnapped. He's up to fifty glares a day, he has to be exhausted."

Her lips curved despite themselves. "Tony."

"I'm here to help," he said quietly. "You saved Pepper's life not too long ago, and that's something I will forever be indebted to you for. You were her friend when she had no one else. She loves you. And...damned if you didn't grow on me a little when we worked at the Tower together."

"We worked well together," she agreed. Then she sighed. "But not even you can fix what Hydra did to me."

"Actually, I can." He pulled off the tinted sunglasses he wore, handed them out to her. "Binary Augmented Retro-Framing. And yes, I'm aware I need to work on the acronym. There's an implant in the glasses that connects with the hippocampus, allowing it to find a certain traumatic memory and alter it before projecting the memory onto an external infrastructure. It'll help clear traumatic memories," he said when she blinked at him. 

"Are you saying...Tony, are you saying this will help keep me from being triggered?"

"Only one way to find out. Packs a hell of a punch, though. The migraine lasts for days, so don't push it. And don't do it alone."

"Tony. I don't know how to thank you."

He waved at her. "Not needed. Just use it. It'll fix you so you can get back out there. If you don't run with Pep for the next half-marathon she'll make _me_ do it, and I can't run, Maria, I have a weak heart. Fury will let you know when you can start using them. Keep them as long as you need." He walked back to the door, hesitated. "Good luck."

 

 

Steve Rogers knew how to brood.

It didn't happen often. He was far too amicable for snits, and learned fast that with the team he had, he needed to let some things go.

But when the man dug in, he really dug in. She only knew a few people who could brood like he could. Fury was one of them. Stark was another.

And, well. If she was honest, she could probably be considered a brooder also.

But she was Russian. It was to be expected.

Natasha Romanoff strolled through the Wakandan courtyard, lifting her head to enjoy the warmth from the sun. Her body was exhausted from a sparring session with Okoye, but it was a good exhausted. It was nice to spar with someone who was nearly evenly matched with her. And the sip of iced coffee she carried didn't hurt, either. 

Rogers sat in the sunshine also, aviators on his face, scowling at the gorgeous scenery in front of him. Shuri stood behind him, hands on her hips, sighing in relief as Natasha approached.

"It's about time. Take this heartbroken captain off my hands, and tell him to get some rest." She glared at Steve. "You are not invisible, Captain. The serum is working again but you are still recovering from being stabbed in the abdomen. Don't forget that. Take a nap."

"Yeah, Steve." Natasha slid into the empty chair next to him, took another sip of her drink. "Take a nap."

"Ha, ha." Even with the sunglasses on, she could tell his eyes didn't leave the horizon. Clearly, the captain's mind was on some things in the west.

Or someone.

"You look good," she said conversationally. "Scared us all pretty good a few times, there."

"Yeah." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Sorry."

She pressed her lips together. He looked absolutely miserable. She had to admit, she hadn't thought he would ever be so gone over Maria, but it made a certain sort of sense.

"You're not going to ask about her?" 

Steve's head snapped towards Nat. "What?"

"Come on, Rogers. You know I am well informed in all things."

He huffed out a laugh. "Of course you know about us. Is there anything you don't know, Natasha?"

"Yes," she said honestly. "I only act like I know everything, remember? But I do know a few things about this."

He said nothing, only watched her behind the sunglasses, completely still.

"She's getting better." 

And so she drank her coffee and told him everything she knew.

 

 

B.A.R.F. was a bitch.

It worked, at least there was that. Four months later and she could watch the memories of the chair without retching. Could hear the word "comply" and not jump. She'd even left her room a multitude of times, and been allowed to work with a tablet.

But the migraines were horrendous, and the nights were long. Nights where she could do nothing but repeat the memory of shooting Fury and stabbing Steve over and over, like a broken record.

Her therapist said to give it time. And then granted her access to the gym.

Running helped. She wasn't outside, which was a shame, but there was a track that she could run lap after lap on, and sink into the rhythm of her feet hitting the ground, her lungs bursting to exertion. There was no memories of a face going pale with shock when she ran, no recollections of what it felt like to slice a knife through human flesh.

It was just Maria, and the track.

Six months later she began working again. It was difficult at first, Maria didn't trust herself to be alone with Fury, and Fury hated having others around.

But she continued working with B.A.R.F., and they got through.

Nine months later, Pepper dragged her onto a Quinjet.

"Potts, what are we doing?"

"I have a surprise for you." Pepper tapped on her phone while Maria scowled out the window. No one sat in the cockpit, Pepper had ordered FRIDAY to fly, not saying the destination. The AI apparently hadn't need it, as they were in the sky in moments.

"Where are we going?"

Pepper put her phone down. "Somewhere you can rest and relax."

Maria pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't need a vacation, Pepper, I need to work."

"Too bad. Fury cleared it, and you need the time away."

"I don't--"

"Maria. Trust me," Pepper stated. "Here. Read a book. Start relaxing."

Maria yanked the book from her hands. "This is ridiculous."

"Yes, I felt the same when you forced me to go to the ranch about a year ago," Pepper agreed. "But it was what I needed then, and this is what you need now."

"We're going to the ranch?"

"No. Somewhere better." Pepper's nodded at the book, and Maria sighed, opening it.

"Please tell me there will at least be Sangria."

"Of course there will be Sangria. What do we look like?" FRIDAY answered from the speakers.

 

 

They landed in the mountains. Maria followed Pepper our out of the jet and onto a sidewalk leading to a resort.

Or at least, she'd thought it was a resort until they walked inside and not a single other person was there.

"Pepper. What...?"

"It's a replacement for the ranch." Pepper said. Lights and fireplaces clicked on while she walked through the enormous house. "Thought you would appreciate a new safe house."

"Pepper, it's a mansion."

"Yes. And it's in the mountains, which I know you love. Near a ski resort, which I know you like to do. And no one knows about it except for me and Tony."

"And Agent Romanoff," FRIDAY chimed in from the ceiling.

Pepper blinked. "I don't want to know how she found out, do I?"

"Unlikely, Ms. Potts."

"FRIDAY said something about Sangria?" Natasha strolled in, wearing a black jacket and an enormous smile. "I made a batch while I waited for you to arrive. Kick off your shoes, ladies. We have alcohol to drink."

"Where did you--WHEN did...How do you DO that?" Pepper asked.

Maria only laughed, and followed them into the kitchen.

 

 

Her head was going to explode.

Maria groaned, rolling out of the bed. She was never going near Natasha's Sangria again. Sometime around the third pitcher there had been dancing, and now she would never be able to look at Pepper without thinking of the CEO boogeying on a coffee table, singing along to Salt-N-Peppa.

The shower was enormous and she cranked the water as hot as it would go and stood under the spray for a long time.

Then she dressed, and prepared to see what Natasha and Pepper had planned for day two.

What she did _not_ expect to see, however, was both women standing at the front door.

"You're leaving?" The hurt crept out despite her attempt to smash it down. But she couldn't help it. The night before had been the most fun she'd had in ages.

But now it seemed the fun was over.

"Technically, I'm not supposed to be here," Natasha reminded her. 

Oh, right. The Accords. She supposed that was a good reason for Romanoff escaping, but what about---

"I'm so so sorry, Maria. A meeting I can't miss popped up. I'll try to come back tomorrow or the next day. I promise."

"Sure." Her shoulders hunched so she shoved them back to their normal spot. She'd been through so much worse, why was she getting mopey at the thought of her friends leaving?

Pepper kissed her cheek, sent her a guilty look, and headed for the Quinjet.

Romanoff quirked an eyebrow at her. "This is a nice place Potts got you. Perfect little getaway spot."

"I suppose," Maria said slowly, not sure what Natasha was getting at.

A small smile graced the spy's features. "Have fun while we're gone. I left something on the back patio for you. Take good care of it."

And with that, she walked out, that mischievous smile still on her face.

Maria waved them off, then headed to the back, slightly concerned with what she'd find. With Romanoff it could be anything. 

She got to the back patio doors, and glanced outside.

Then blinked.

Steve stood gazing at the mountains, the wind occasionally ruffling his long hair. He wore a thick black coat against the cold, sturdy boots, and a worn pair of jeans, looking content and at peace and not at all like he was nervous to be in a house with the woman who stabbed him.

And Maria ran.

The back door was flung open and she was outside before she even registered it. Outdoor couches and patio furniture covered the deck but Maria practically vaulted over it as Steve turned and she rushed toward him.

A brilliant smile appeared on his face. God, she'd missed that smile, missed those steady, unflappable blue eyes. Was there anything more gorgeous than Steve's blue eyes? The intensity in them was endless, and that mischievous twinkle sparkled as he moved toward her.

When she got close, she launched herself at him. Steve caught her easily, lifting her into his arms and holding her tight while she wrapped her legs around his waist.

Then he crashed his lips against hers.

And there, that final, terrible knot in her stomach that reared its head when she woke in the glass room and shredded her insides just as surely as she cut through Steve's finally left. There was no need for it here, not where he was alive and in her arms, and warm and safe. Here was home, and a comfort she had never really understood before. It was loving and desperate and consuming and Maria would chase it through fire to the ends of the earth to keep Steve right where he was, and never hurt him again.

"Steve." He was here, he was living, he was okay. " _Steve_."

"Hi," he rumbled, pressing his forehead to hers and nosing her nose with his. 

"Oh, God, Steve I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry, I never wanted to hurt you, I--"

"Maria." He cut her off with a soft kiss. "You have nothing to apologize for. It wasn't you. And I'm fine."

"You almost weren't."

"It was close there for a moment, but Vision and Shuri pulled through. I'm okay."

"I love you," she said against his lips, kissing him desperately again. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Would've been here earlier, but Nat thought I shouldn't arrive while Pepper was still here." He carried her inside, into the warmth. She hadn't even noticed the cold, not while he was with her and she was in his arms.

"That was probably a good call," she admitted while he set her down. As soon as she stepped away from him she wanted to jump back up and latch onto him again, but she had some pride, dammit.

And he was taking off his coat, she could probably be away from him long enough to let him take off his coat.

Thankfully, he seemed to share the same thoughts she did, because as soon as the coat was off he reached for her.

"Missed you," he said, wrapping his arms around her, nuzzling her neck, running his hands through her hair. "I've been so worried."

_You've_ been worried? I'd half convinced myself that everyone was lying to me and you were dead and they just didn't want to tell me I murdered Captain America."

"I'm fine." He kissed her ear, making her shudder. "And you need to forgive yourself for that. It wasn't your fault."

"I'm trying. It's just... it was awful, Steve."

"I know." He held stopped moving and just held her for a moment, breathing deeply. "I was terrified. I couldn't reach you. For a moment I thought--"

"That I would stab and kill you?"

"No." He gave her a stern look. "That we wouldn't be able to get you back. It gutted me." He smiled. "Then you told me to run, and I knew I couldn't give up. Couldn't leave you alone."

"You should have left me alone. You should have thrown me into the wall, or knocked me unconscious."

"Couldn't do it." He pressed soft kisses on the side of her mouth, making her knees go weak. "I couldn't hurt you, Maria. It wasn't an option. I love you."

"I love you too," she told him, and then rolled against him in a way that made him groan. "I'm prepared to spend all day showing you how much."

She could feel his grin against her mouth as he kissed her again. Her body sparked alive in one long, shivering ache. "Well, if you must."

Picking her up, he carried down the hall while she whispered in his ear, making his steps pick up quicker. At the first bedroom they walked in, Steve deemed it good enough, and laid her gently on the bed.

And she made good on her promise.

 

 

Later, when the fire in the room crackled cheerfully and Steve slept peacefully beside her, Maria curled her hand over his heart. They would need to get up and find food soon. True to her word, they'd been in bed all day, and Steve would be starving when he woke. But she stayed where she was, drinking in the sight of him, thanking all the gods she'd ever heard of for his life.

Steve shifted, opening his eyes. She took a deep breath, studying him, wishing she could be there when he woke every day.

"Hi," she said, leaning forward.

The kiss was slow and sweet, making her head spin a little with wishes and dreams.

"What are you thinking?" He asked when they finally drew back.

"Just that I wish we could always be like this. I know the real world is going to creep up on us before we know it, and you'll have to go back on the run soon, but...I love this. Being here with you. I'll miss it."

He propped up onto an elbow. "Well, I did just get here. And I'm not going anywhere, yet. Natasha promised to find a way to keep me here for a week."

"A week? That's longer than I would have thought."

He smiled. "Natasha works in mysterious ways. I was too thrilled at the idea of a week with you, I didn't want to question it much."

She laughed. "Probably a good call."

"But as for after we leave..." he shifted again, resting his heads against hers. "I was thinking the 23rd."

"What?"

"The 23rd. I'll try to meet you somewhere each month on the 23rd. Even if it's just for a night. Just for a quick dinner."

"But..."

"I know it's not ideal." He drew back, studied her seriously. "In fact, its kinda terrible. But with your job and the Accords, and the whole, me-being-on-the-run thing...I thought we could try it until I can fix the Accords mess and come back for good. Unless..." his voice hitched. "Unless you'd rather not?"

"No, no!" It was more than she deserved. More than she ever thought possible. The future was full of questions, full of the potential for darkness. Something was coming, she could tell it by the way Fury paced and Stark worked more manic hours than he had in years. Felt it when she stared up at the stars and got the distinct impression that something watched back.

Whatever it was, it wouldn't be good. 

Figuring out how to navigate through it all without ever seeing Steve would be miserable. At least this way he stayed in her life. Stayed in her heart.

"I'll meet you anywhere," she told him, entwining her fingers with his. "Wherever is easiest on you. Every month on the 23rd."

He grinned, eyes lighting up, and she knew she would go anywhere, meet any day, just to see his smile.

"It's a date."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we've reached the end! Thank you to everyone who has kudos'd or commented, you make my day! 
> 
> Hopefully you enjoyed Nat's little POV, she's a favorite of mine and I can't seem to NOT write about her. Next up in this series is a story about May Parker and her adventures with IronDad and his SpiderSon, because I can't seem to not write about Tony, either. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


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